The Illuminated Donkey

1. Lilya 4-Ever: One of the starkest, most powerful films I've ever seen, and when the houselights came on not a single person moved, all riveted to our seats staring straight ahead and our breath knocked out.
2. American Splendor:Will I just be a hopeless idealist as I wait to hear Paul Giamatti's name when they read out the Oscar nominations? Whatever happens, "You should know I've had a vasectomy." definitely goes on my list of the most romantic lines in Hollywood history.
3. Old School: The scene: Shea Stadium in June. The situation: sitting in front of me is a father with his young child, becoming increasingly concerned about the half-drunk fan cursing up a storm in the row in front of us. After a couple of hints, the father explicitly asks the drunk guy to tone it down a little, at which point he looks at the father, then at the kid, then back to the father, finally saying, "Earmuffs! All you had to do is say earmuffs!" School of Rock and A Mighty Wind got all of the attention, but Vaughn, Ferrell, and a cast of thousands made me laugh the hardest.
4. Finding Nemo: Worked on every level.
5. tie: Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and Lost in Translation: Basically the same movie on different scales, so how could I choose?

Two Yankees Charged in Bullpen Fight

New York Yankees Jeff Nelson and Karim Garcia were charged Thursday with assault and battery for fighting with a groundskeeper in the Fenway Park bullpen during a playoff game against the Red Sox. [...]

Clerk Magistrate Michael Neighbors called the case against the two players ''weak,'' but said there was enough evidence in the police report to allow the case to go forward, despite a lack of eyewitnesses.

• One of the cool things about getting past my 20's is that when I am called upon to support my friends' artistic endeavors -- say, seeing their band play or reading their stories -- there's a decent chance it will turn out to be pretty good. I mean, if they've stuck with it this long, there's probably a reason. And with that strange intro I urge all of you to rush down to your local comic book shop to pick up the just-released and damned-funny Patchouli One-Shot. I recommended the online strip numerous times, and I'm not gonna stop now just because it cost me a couple bucks. The Patchouli comic was drawn by Jessica Milazzo, who is more than just a friend...she's a Friendster! I promise you'll never look at performance fleece the same way again!
• The mysterious Alchemist, usually seen lurking around Jahna D'Lish's site, noticed my love of all things Belgian and sent along word of this intriguingly named beer: Kasteelbier Donker, brewed by Brouwerij Van Honsebrouck. And how does the Donker taste? Let's ask Ohioan krisbierjaeger:

  If I'd have done my ratebeer homework and read the reviews, I'd have been prepared for the dominating sweetness and chosen perhaps another time to sample this one -- like maybe when i had a small flock of hummingbirds over to brunch. This big bottle of beer is to share with folks over a late breakfast fruit salad; it's a dark plum-brown, clear, with feminine lacing. Great aroma, solid malts, heavy dripping raisins and roses, some dark earth, and brown sugar sizzling on baked beans. [...] I'd try it again with waffles, but somebody else will have to buy.

  This is one of over 550 beer reviews by krisbierjaeger, which seemed mighty impressive until I saw that omhper from Sweden has reviewed over thirty-five hundred beers! Holy crap!
• To a certain undesirable element who keeps leaving strange comments for my various posts: for the thousandth time, I am not one, have never been one, and have absolutely no interest in the Plushies/Furries lifestyle! It just happened once and there's a perfectly logical explanation for the...incident.
• Finally, if any of you folks are gonna be in LA around XMastime or Vegas around New Year's and want to buy me a drink, feel free to drop me a line.

Thailand Opens First Hospital for Monkeys.

LOPBURI, Thailand - At least seven patients crowded the hospital room. Four with respiratory diseases were on the same examination table, out cold from anesthesia. Another had survived a fall from a building, and one more — hit by a car — had a broken leg.

It was a busy day at Thailand's first monkey hospital, which opened Wednesday in Lopburi, 70 miles north of Bangkok.

The 8,440-square-foot monkey hospital, located at the Lopburi Zoo, has operating, examination, treatment and admittance rooms. The $45,000 center was built with loans and donations from animal lovers.

Life Worsens for Donkeys Under Suspicion.

Since guerrillas used donkeys to outwit the high-tech defenses of the U.S. military in Iraq, the life of the beast of burden has never been so miserable.

Attackers used donkey carts to launch Katyusha rockets at the Oil Ministry and two fortified Baghdad hotels Friday. Two other donkey carts were stopped -- one carrying more rockets, the other a donkey-bomb wired up with explosives.

Every donkey in Baghdad is suddenly under suspicion as President Bush wages a global war on terror. In a crackdown on an animal that already suffers multiple daily whippings, U.S. soldiers with automatic rifles regularly stop and search donkey carts for weapons.

Donkey owners say petrol stations have been refusing to sell them kerosene for resale since the rocket attacks. The animals salivate and wheeze with exhaustion as they pull their owners and heavy loads across the potholed streets of the Iraqi capital in a desperate search for kerosene.

Downey Meets Fiancee on Set of 'Gothika.'

"Gothika" is a dark thriller, but the movie had a happy ending for Robert Downey Jr.: He met his fiancee on the set in Montreal. Susan Levin was a producer on the film, in which Downey co-stars with Halle Berry and Penelope Cruz.

Downey said he and Levin haven't set a wedding date; in the meantime, they're planning to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

"I'll be going to Palm Springs and I won't be getting arrested while I'm there," he joked, referring to his November 2000 arrest for drug possession at a Palm Springs resort. A judge dismissed the charges in 2002 after determining that Downey had stayed clean and sober for 14 months.

"Yes, I'd like an egg-and-cheese on an English muffin, please.

"Will that be all?"

"Yes."

"No beverage?"

"Nope, just the egg-and-cheese."

"You sure you don't want some coffee, or maybe some juice or a soda?"

"Well, those would be beverages, and I already said I don't want a beverage."

• Sidney Crackstein, aka Mr. Happy Crack: He sent me two t-shirts, so I mention him and his fine business every week or so; that offer still stands, by the way.
• Jahna D'Lish: My second wife (annulled), we've remained good friends. When things seem a bit boring over here you can usually head to her blog for a little more excitement, especially if the image "like a baby's arm holding an apple" piques your interest; otherwise you're pretty much out of luck.
• Paul Frankenstein, aka Frankie, aka P-Frank: The Watson to my Sherlock Holmes, seems like a decent enough sort, as long as he stays away from my sister (see Nancy Goldstein).
• Nancy Goldstein: My sister. Originally our regular on-site correspondent from the Winter Olympics, then our designated Vincent Gallo stalker (until those thieving Gawker bastards stole her thunder), and now the compiler of Monkeys, Donkeys, and Junkies, a regular foray into the latest news surrounding three of our favorite things. She is also an employee of the Federation of competitive Eating, putting her in direct contact with folks who have limbs larger than her.
• Anthony "Moo" Moussa of NJGuido.com: From Memorial Day through Labor Day, the symbol of all that is Jersey. Party like a rockstar.
• Mo-Skee: First came to our attention during Skee-Ball Week many moons ago, hence her snazzy nickname. A bit of a wild gal with some kind of bigshot academic job (a fairly frightening thought), we recently gave Mo-Skee her own feature, Mo-Skee's Search for Deep Throat, mostly to keep her off the streets and to focus her paranoid tendencies towards a useful goal.
• Sonya Thomas: Teeny-tiny American-eating champion. I recently saw her eat eight pounds of food in 12 minutes, and she wasn't even full. The official athlete of The Donk.
• Koen Vermandere: Our favoritest Belgian in the whole world, Koen contacted us back in October seeking our help in his quest to become King Donkey of Kuurne, a position we still don't even slightly understand, even after a half-dozen or so e-mails. Still, Koen's a lot of fun, he writes heartfelt tributes to donkeys, and there's a slight chance that at some point he'll help us get in good with some sweet Belgian dames.
• Mike Whybark: My former co-worker in Seattle, later my bizarrely obsessive stalker. Recipient of over 50 plugs. Strange blimp fascination.

New York, NY, Nov. 26, 2003 — 100-pound rookie eater Sonya Thomas of Alexandria, VA, won the 2003 Thanksgiving Meal Invitational by consuming 7¾ one-pound plates of Thanksgiving meal (featuring Turducken, green beans, cranberry sauce and yams) in 12 minutes.

Edward "Cookie" Jarvis, the 409-pound mutli-title champion from Nesconsett, NY, took second place with 7½ one-pound plates, and 420-pound Eric "Badlands" Booker of Copaigue, NY, came in third with 5¾ one-pound plates.

Thomas' victory was a major upset. Jarvis has dominated the 2003 eating season, earning six major titles, and Booker, world matzo ball and corned beef hash eating champion, won the 2002 Thanksgiving Meal Invitational.

Yo, I came to your blog through Blogstreet's influential sites http://www.blogstreet.com/biq200.html (I'm ranked #149 BTW)

maybe it's the beer and fatigue, but I don't quite "get" your blog. What is your motivation? just curious

I came to your blog through Blogstreet's influential sites http://www.blogstreet.com/biq200.html (I'm ranked #149 BTW). I can't believe you're ranked higher than me. Your blog is really lame and also the argument that Hillary attended one funeral is right-wing horseshit — Bill O'Reilly was beating that dead horse about a year and a half ago. Get real.

Jiro, the Comic Monkey, Dies.

Jiro, a trained monkey known for getting a laugh by posing in "remorseful reflection," died Saturday. He was 18 years old, which is equal to about 50 years in human years. The cause of his death is unknown.

Jiro, a Japanese macaque, was the second trained monkey to be called Jiro. He made his debut in June 1989 after the first Jiro died. He was famous for his unique pose of lowering his head when told to "think about what you've done" by his trainer, Taro Murasaki, 42. The popular comedy act "Taro & Jiro" often performed on television programs.

Murasaki received the prestigious Arts Festival Award from the Cultural Affairs Agency in 1991. In March 1998, Jiro "married" Kaname, a female monkey seven years younger than he was. Their wedding reception was one of the hottest topics of the year.

PCC Investigates Star Donkey Story.

The Press Complaints Commission is investigating a front-page story in the Daily Star headlined "Asylum seekers eat our donkeys" following a complaint that it inaccurately claimed donkey meat is a delicacy in Somalia. The watchdog is acting after a Somalian complained the story, published on August 31, was nonsense because eating donkey meat is forbidden in Somalia under Islamic law.

The Star's headline was based on a comment about the investigation of the theft of nine donkeys from Greenwich royal park. The story said: "Asylum seekers have stolen nine donkeys and police believe they've killed and eaten them." A police insider is quoted as saying: "One of our main lines of inquiry is that they may have been taken by immigrants who like eating donkey meat as a delicacy."

The PCC said: "The commission considered that, in the context of the article as a whole, the allegation was clearly presented as comment from an attributed source and readers would not necessarily have been misled into thinking this was the only possible explanation of the matter."

Jerry Lewis in Rehab for Steroid Use.

LOS ANGELES, Nov. 17 — Comedian Jerry Lewis has been hospitalized for several weeks as he weans himself from a steroid that was prescribed for a chronic lung ailment but led to his gaining 60 pounds, a spokeswoman said Monday.

Against my better judgement, I am seeing [this guy who contacted me last night] for a coffee on Sunday. [...] [H]e has sent me a dozen instant messages today, letting me know he is going out, he is coming back, he is eating lunch, he is going to the loo... This man does not know from Adam, he's had no chance to find out my wonderous personality and fall in love with that, he hasn't even seen my picture. But just the idea that he has someone with boobs to talk to makes him develop all the gravitas of a six-week-old puppy with a new toy. "Ohmygod, ohmigod, ohmigod! Here I will run up an lick you and try to hump your leg!!! And now I will run around in cricles! And now I will widdle in the excitement!!!"

Throat first surfaced in 1974 when Woodward and Bernstein published All the President's Men. When I first read the book, I thought that Woodward’s friend and source was probably a composite…I happened to state publicly in a speech, not long after his book came out, that I thought Throat was a composite, and that was picked up by the Washington Post. I had first met and had dinner with [Woodward] not long before the speech, and when he sent me a message assuring me it was not a composite, I believed him.

Only four people on the planet are known to have the name — Woodward; his partner, Carl Bernstein; Ben Bradlee, the former executive editor of The Washington Post; and of course, Deep Throat himself. [S]ome bits of information have been disclosed over the years: Deep Throat is one person, not a composite of several sources, he is a man and he is still living. Woodward noted that Deep Throat was a smoker and that he drank Scotch. ‘Aware of his own weaknesses, he readily conceded his flaws,’ the reporters wrote. ‘He was, incongruously, an incurable gossip, careful to label rumor for what it was, but fascinated by it.... He could be rowdy, drink too much, overreach. He was not good at concealing his feelings, hardly ideal for a man in his position.’

Woodward has said he will not identify the source as long as the person is alive, or until he releases him ‘from our agreement of confidentiality.’ But he did indicate, during an appearance today on NBC’s Today Show, that he remains in touch with him. Woodward also said that Deep Throat deceived his colleagues in denying he was the source.”

I have met a fair number of generals, and I can't think of a single one who did not have "a certainty about the rightness of his views." There may have been a couple of one-star generals who expressed this certainty in a modest tone, but above that rank—and Clark retired as a four-star general—their confidence easily became belligerent if their opinions were challenged.

• Dear Connecticut Tourist Board: What kind of cheap shell game are you running up there in Richie Richville? You send me your weekly e-mail update saying that all of Connecticut is at peak foliage season, when you know goddamned well that that's a stinking lie, sending me and my friend Jahna D'Lish and some wild leaf chase looking for some stupid scenic highway (okay, I'll admit that I shouldn't have let her handle the navigation), only to find 20 miles of dead trees! Thanks a frigging lot...deeks!
• Dear New York City Transportation Folks: Hey, no problem, just shut down the upper level of the George Washington Bridge for no good reason on a Saturday night. And hey, while you're at it, why not shut down two of the three lanes leading to the lower level?!?! I'm sure me and the other million cars had nothing better to do at one in the goddamned morning than go on a crawl through the upper reaches of Manhattan. Why not just close both levels and sell sleeping bags you miserable cold-hearted bastards?! Screw you all...deeks!
• Dear Assface Mohegan Sun Pai Gow Dealer: Gosh, I couldn't figure out for myself that my wrongheaded decision to split two low pairs cost me a win and I had to settle for a push. I mean, sure, everybody else at the table had already let me know, and even Jahna, who had never even heard of pai gow poker until ten minutes earlier, had told me, but I guess I wasn't 100% sure until you opened your dumb mouth. Thanks a frigging lot...deek!
• Dear Mohegan Sun buffet and guy out on the parking deck who let us use his binoculars to check out the lunar eclipse: Um...you were both actually very cool. Especially you, Mohegan Sun buffet, with your quickly moving line and bottomless array of yummy freshly sliced meats, delectable side dishes, and sweet, sweet desserts. Thank you.

President Bush Signs Bill that Takes American Women Backwards

"President Bush has signed legislation that takes a step backwards for women as his stealth agenda to roll back the right to choose is pushed forward."

It's a Turducken Holiday!

Thanksgiving, and the International Confederation of Competitive Eating's [IFOCE] Thanksgiving Invitational, will never be the same.

Turducken.com, the world’s leading provider of turducken (a semi-boneless turkey stuffed with a boneless chicken, duck breast and layers of sausage stuffing), will be the exclusive sponsor of the IFOCE Thanksgiving Invitational to be held on Wednesday, November 26 at Mickey Mantle’s Restaurant on Central Park South in Manhattan.

Turducken.com is the home of Cajun Stuff, the world’s foremost provider of turducken. Bob Hanna and Kevin Trahan, co-owners of Cajun Stuff, offer authentic Cajun fare – like gumbos and Louisiana-style Po-Boys – and sell Cajun spiced and stuffed meat and other foods. For several years, they have sold specialty meats such as turducken to a nation-wide customer base at turducken.com.

“Americans love quality food too much to limit themselves to turkey, duck or chicken at important meals,” said Bob Hanna. “Turducken is a way to enjoy all three at once, bringing the holiday meal to a whole new level.”

“The turducken is the first real advancement in Thanksgiving in the nearly 400 years since the pilgrims sat down for dinner with the Indians in Plymouth,” said Richard Shea, President of the IFOCE. “Turducken is a much-needed shot in the arm for Thanksgiving and the whole holiday season.”

The Thanksgiving Invitational, which will feature winners of the IFOCE’s Harvest Series events, is a 12-minute all-you-can-eat contest featuring one-pound plates of mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce and sliced turducken.

“Turducken is not simply a food -- it is a lifestyle,” said IFOCE Chair George Shea.

Eaters who will face off at the Thanksgiving Invitational include Cookie Jarvis, Sonya Thomas, Badlands Booker and Hungry Charles Hardy.

Monkeys Terrorize India Workers, Tourists

NEW DELHI - In a capital city where cows roam the streets and elephants plod along in the bus lanes, it's no surprise to find government buildings overrun with monkeys.

But the officials who work there are fed up. They've been bitten, robbed and otherwise tormented by monkeys that ransack files, bring down power lines, screech at visitors and bang on office windows.

The Supreme Court has stepped in, decreeing that New Delhi should be a monkey-free city after citizens filed a lawsuit demanding protection from the animals.

Rescuers Save Livestock From Wildfires

LOS ANGELES - Smoke billowed around Capt. David Havard and his animal rescue team as they swept into a San Diego canyon on a mission to evacuate six horses threatened by a raging wildfire.

[...] Throughout Southern California, animal rescue teams such as Havard's have risked their lives to corral horses, scoop up stray dogs and capture cats away from the advancing fire. Hundreds of rescuers — often volunteers — gather at staging areas near the blazes ready to step in at a moment's notice.

[...] But even Havard has never seen fires like those chewing through Southern California — so many at once and moving so quickly. He has worked incessantly since the first fires were reported, getting the call at 1 a.m. Saturday to help out in San Bernardino County. Since then, he has saved 250 horses and 50-100 small animals — cats, dogs, chickens, ducks, a donkey and a potbelly pig.

Scott Weiland Ordered to Drug Rehab

PASADENA, Calif. - Scott Weiland (news), lead singer for the Stone Temple Pilots, was ordered by a court official Thursday to immediately report to a live-in drug detoxification center and spend six months in a residential drug rehabilitation program. Weiland was charged Wednesday with a misdemeanor count of driving under the influence stemming from his arrest the day before in Hollywood.

Ode to the Donkey

O Donkey,

As soon as I behold thee, my insignificant person disappears totally into nowhere.

When I look to your ears, how pertly they turn around in all direction of the wind, so that no novelty or gossip eludes thee.

O, out respect for thee I stop speaking.

When I look to your sumptuous brown eyes that are glistering from pleasure and shine from intelligence.

O, I don't dare to look at thee.

When I look to your magnificent head, perfectly placed on your muscular neck, I get tears in my eyes.

O, tears of jealousy.

When I look to your elegant feet, how brave they replace your weight in a stylish way.

O, there are not enough words.

When I look to your well-shaped hoofs, handsomely draped underneath your elegant ankles.

O, the are truly divine.

When I look to your mighty thorax, perfectly overflowing to your back, whether or not crucified.

O, heavenly, then I get quiet.

When I look to your skillful tail that chases flies away in a smooth way and when you are relieving yourself, how very clever you keep your tail clean by putting it proud in the air.

O, I fall silent, because I cannot do this.

O Donkey, with you everything disappears into nothing…

Well I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
Then I washed my face and combed my hair
And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk
I'm wishing Lord that I was stoned
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothin' short of dyin'
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of a sleepin' city sidewalk
And Sunday mornin' comin' down.

• First off, my friend Scott at work sent me a link to the Museum of Hoaxes's Hoax Photo Test. From "Tourist Guy" to that shark attacking the helicopter, it's a trip down memory cache. And the rest of the site's a whole lot of fun, too.
• Several of my more delusional friends are refusing to acknowledge the existence of the Yankees/Marlins World Series, preferring instead their fantasy Cubs/BoSox matchup. Jim Caple at ESPN's Page 2 is enabling those sad, sad people with his daily recaps; it's tied 1-1 heading to Wrigley for Game 3!
• "No, Constance, it isn't you, it's just this damn zero gravity."

  During an interview about the TransHab Inflatable Space Station Module, an audience member asked space architect Constance Adams about sex in space (within the context of designing habitats for procreation). Adams indicated that erections in space are difficult to achieve because in zero gravity, blood tends to collect in the head and feet, not the right places for sex.

  (Update: the sender of the above later told me that the info came from Kottke.org.)
• The Despair 2004 Catalog has been released! This year's line includes Achievement, Ambition, Potential, Power, Success, and Teamwork.
• In what might be the craziest thing I've read all postseason, in a Slate conversation Allen Barra declares Mariano Rivera "one of the all-time greats, as in Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, Ted Williams, Willie Mays, Sandy Koufax, et al" (which is not unreasonable, though a little overstated), except that he then declares "[r]eplace him with an average or even good-to-average closer, and I'm not sure the Yankees win any of those [six AL] championships. Maybe not even 1998." As good as Rivera's been, I somehow think that if the Yanks had, say, Jeff Montgomery or Billy Taylor in 1998, it wouldn't have cost them 22 games in the standings, or hurt them too bad in a 11-2 playoff run.

• New Garrison Keillor novel that I was looking forward to: pretty blah. Decent in spots, mostly the New Yorker parody, but basically about three or four short story ideas squished together for no good reason and to no cohesive end. (The excerpt I link to above is pretty good, though.)
• New Lyle Lovett album that he actually wrote new songs for (!): eh. "My Baby Don't Tolerate" is a fairly pedestrian effort, with nothing particularly new or interesting going for it. It's not bad, just a somewhat disappointing retread, with a little "Road to Ensenada," a little of his gospel stuff, a little of his live honkytonking, but unfortunately no songs matching his work on "Pontiac" or "Joshua Judges Ruth." I was hoping for more heart on his first collection of new songs in seven years (and only the second since Julia), but maybe that damn bull knocked it out of him.
• While I don't feel as strongly about "Lost In Translation" as my compadre Frankenstein (I definitely preferred "American Splendor"), I would still recommend it. It's a lovely movie, kind of a short story or even an anecdote, with fine performances and an excellent use of the Jesus and Mary Chain's "Just Like Honey." See it.

• Can it be only a week ago that we heartily endorsed Koen Vermandere for the honored and possibly fictitious position of King Donkey of Kuurne, Belgium? Well, while we are happy to report that, with our help, Koen did garner enough votes to finish in the top two and advance to the finals, it was there that he lost to Frederick Tytgat, who almost certainly cheated. Koen promises to have a full report to us soon, but frankly, now that he lost and can't lavish us with political spoils on our next trip to Belgium, we're not sure if we'll run it.
• Everybody has their price, and ours is shockingly low. A few months back Mr. Bob Kodner, AKA Sidney Crackstein, AKA Mr. Happy Crack, sent us two 100% cotton t-shirts featuring the smiling, cracked Mr. Happy Crack, with the timeless slogan "A Dry Crack Is a Happy Crack." Well, we figure that two shirts is good for at least two plugs, so be sure to head on over to the brand-spanking-new happycrack.com for all of your foundation-repair and embarrassing-shirt needs.
• The fine new degenerate gambling blog Up For Poker continues to pick up steam, with the occasional post from yours truly, with hopefully more to come.
• Gordon Jump is still dead.

• On today's date in 1950, Peanuts debuted in seven newspapers. And while it lasted long enough and became so unavoidable as to become almost invisible, it was a groundbreaking sensation when it began, and its reassuring kindness added a little warmth to my life during its final years.
  
  I must have read and enjoyed my Peanuts Classics and Peanuts Treasury collections 50 times each growing up, and even today I'm amazed at how great a master Schulz was at that most difficult of art forms, the four-panel comic strip. Try writing a couple sometime, then try writing more than 15,000. [Oh, the first character to speak in Peanuts history? Shermy!]
• The lovely and relocated Jahna D'Lish informed me that today is Groucho Marx's 113th birthday, and the fact that it's not a national holiday is only more proof of our government's lack of a sense of humor.
  
  And while I'm not sure that there was ever a truly great Marx Brothers film (even Animal Crackers, which I consider one of the five funniest movies ever, closes with an almost completely dead final 20 minutes), they created the funniest moments, and the former Julius Marx turned himself into perhaps the greatest comic character in history. In my heart, I am Groucho as well.

Hello, how are you? I have a favour to ask you. Would you please vote for me. I entered a competition in a local town. the competition is called the donkey festivities... If I wins this, I will become King Donkey, so I can be the ambassador of that local town for 2 years.

In the beginning the people off Kuurne were poor farmers, they don't be able to buy horses or trucks, so they have donkeys. When they go to the market in the nearest Big City (Kortrijk), the feets off the donkey's waked up the people of Kortrijk (tik,tak,tik,tak). Then these people say: "Oh now, there are the donkey's of Kuurne again. Then we also call ourselves donkeys and we are proud to be donkeys. That's why we have donkey-festivities.

To be King Donkey (contest every 2 years) there are a few tests in the afternoon and the evening, we never know before what exactly, but for this year we have to spare votes on the internet and on mobile phone (Saturday), race with vehicles they give us (go-cart, donkeys, childtricycle or something else, we don't know it), we also play-back a singer and have a little examination off Kuurne. The rest of the tests we don't know.

Every time of this contest the last test is with the two candidates with the highest points, they have to find the medal in the haystack, the one who finds it is the King.