December 02, 2003
A big thanks to another Donk regular, P-Frank, for nominating this humble site for Wizbang's 2003 Weblog Awards in the category of Best Humor Blog. And how fortunate for me that he's done it during a week where I've apparently tried to be as depressing and cryptic as possible. So I'll have to try for a couple of laughs here...
Nah, I'm still too annoyed about this crappy week. So yesterday I bought a turkey-and-swiss wrap at Shoprite to eat on the ride home, then when I pulled onto Rt. 1/9 and took a bite I discovered that the damn thing had gone bad, and I was left with a mouthful of rotten meat and cheese. So about a mile up the road, still hungry, I pulled into the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through for a 99-cent egg-and-cheese sandwich, and had this wonderful conversation:
And then today I had to deal with a whole lot of Jahna-D'Lish-related crap from my brother which I don't really feel like getting into right now (plus, he is my brother, so I can't slag him too hard). Maybe Jahna will, though! Keep checking
Hmmm...this is actually turning out to be more whiny than funny, so lemme try something cheaper and more crowd-pleasing...right! The Paris Hilton video! I know it's a bit old, but a subject was raised tonight when D'Lish and I saw a promo for Paris's new show on a farm or something.
Anyway, D'Lish and I started talking and agreed that it seems a bit...coincidental that these celebrity sex videos only mysteriously appear when the guy involved is hung like a freaking border guard. For some strange reason the rest of the videos never make out of the guy's nightstand.
I mean, without fail, Johnny Tripod's got footage of him banging some skank and you can't open a Visa bill without a special offer selling the DVD for $4.95 plus shipping. Meanwhile, ol' Needledick the Bugfucker has Nicole Kidman bent over a coffee table and he's got that videotape locked up with the same storage system the National Archives uses for the Declaration of Independence. Makes you wonder. Or maybe that's just D'Lish and me. Or maybe just her.
Nah, I'm still too annoyed about this crappy week. So yesterday I bought a turkey-and-swiss wrap at Shoprite to eat on the ride home, then when I pulled onto Rt. 1/9 and took a bite I discovered that the damn thing had gone bad, and I was left with a mouthful of rotten meat and cheese. So about a mile up the road, still hungry, I pulled into the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through for a 99-cent egg-and-cheese sandwich, and had this wonderful conversation:
"Yes, I'd like an egg-and-cheese on an English muffin, please.Well, that was probably a mistake, especially when you can't see them making your sandwich. Not that it really mattered, because when I unwrapped it after once again pulling out onto Rt. 1/9 I discovered that they hadn't bothered to cook the damn thing! They had microwaved it for ten seconds instead of a minute or something, and I'd left with a mouthful of raw muffin and egg covering up the rotten cheese. Thanks a frigging lot, world!
"Will that be all?"
"Yes."
"No beverage?"
"Nope, just the egg-and-cheese."
"You sure you don't want some coffee, or maybe some juice or a soda?"
"Well, those would be beverages, and I already said I don't want a beverage."
And then today I had to deal with a whole lot of Jahna-D'Lish-related crap from my brother which I don't really feel like getting into right now (plus, he is my brother, so I can't slag him too hard). Maybe Jahna will, though! Keep checking
Hmmm...this is actually turning out to be more whiny than funny, so lemme try something cheaper and more crowd-pleasing...right! The Paris Hilton video! I know it's a bit old, but a subject was raised tonight when D'Lish and I saw a promo for Paris's new show on a farm or something.
Anyway, D'Lish and I started talking and agreed that it seems a bit...coincidental that these celebrity sex videos only mysteriously appear when the guy involved is hung like a freaking border guard. For some strange reason the rest of the videos never make out of the guy's nightstand.
I mean, without fail, Johnny Tripod's got footage of him banging some skank and you can't open a Visa bill without a special offer selling the DVD for $4.95 plus shipping. Meanwhile, ol' Needledick the Bugfucker has Nicole Kidman bent over a coffee table and he's got that videotape locked up with the same storage system the National Archives uses for the Declaration of Independence. Makes you wonder. Or maybe that's just D'Lish and me. Or maybe just her.
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