October 15, 2003
The Marlins just defeated the Cubs 9-6 to advance to the World Series and ruin this poor bastard's life forever. Coming up tomorrow night is ALCS Game 7, Yanks versus Sox, in what should easily be the greatest event in the long history of mankind. They could stop playing baseball after the game because, seriously, what would be the point of staging thousands of pathetic anticlimaxes annually? Tomorrow night Jesus Christ could make his second coming at the surprise wedding of Ben and J-Lo, and Fox would just run the news as a little text crawl on the bottom of the screen so as not to distract viewers from the Pedro/Rocket rematch. I can't wait.
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