February 27, 2003
First off, while I was in hiding, Kevin Heller of the First-Notable-Blogger-Blog-of-2003 Tech Law Advisor blawg was nice enough to ask me to join his other project: The TwistedFans Sports Blog. I don't have much up there yet, but it's where I'll be posting all my sports-related stuff so as not to contaminate any of you non-sports-fans. Also, longtime DonkWatchers might notice that I've added five blogs to my permalinks over there on the left, bringing the total up to 15, only six of whom I actually owe money to.
Finally, in honor of the 28 days of February finally coming to an end (a month that was good for exactly two people), I submit for your approval the genius of "The 28 Hour Day: A New Clock for a New Age." Just imagine it: 56-hour weekends, avoiding the tediousness of working during daylight all the time, four more episodes of "24" every season. Plus, it means that the alarm clock division of my company would make tons of cash.
February 24, 2003
Then the phone went dead.
February 23, 2003
Then again, checking my referral logs I find that the newly permalinked and days-away-from-30 Paul Katcher and I have somehow ended up (for completely unrelated posts) as the #4 and #5 results for "dale earnhardt jr shirtless pictures." I may have to add "scared" to "sad and lonely."
February 21, 2003
February 20, 2003
Unfortunately, if the Nets can't do better than 5,000 empty seats for what any basketball fan had to know would be one of the biggest games of the regualr season, we're probably going to have to watch Kidd play somewhere else next year. Frigging shame, really, but I suppose you just can't ask people to miss the new episode of "Are You Hot? The Search for America’s Sexiest People."
February 19, 2003
Bush Adviser Returns to Sacred Heart SchoolOh my god, it's the man who formulates international economic policies! Somebody please catch me if I faint...AAAIIIEEE!!!!
By Miles Doyle, Journal Staff Writer
Assistant Secretary of Commerce William H. Lash recently told a group of awe-struck uniformed Jersey City students about how he went from solving algebra problems as a Sacred Heart schoolboy to being hand-picked by President George W. Bush to protect American economic interests across the world. [...] As the head of market access and compliance, Lash advises on the analysis, formulation and implementation of the nation's international economic policies.
(Although as the aforementioned Mr. Frankenstein points out, it would indeed be awe-inducing if Lash really did go straight from elementary school to the White House.)
What would Ted Williams have thought if he knew his body would be hanging upside down in a nitrogen-filled tank with perhaps four other full bodies and five heads at a cryogenics lab inside a strip mall in Scottsdale, Ariz.The ESPN.com piece definitely improves upon the original New York Daily News story by Bill Madden, which not only buries the nugget in the second-to-last paragraph, but goes for the more descriptive and less bone-chilling:
Williams' close friend, Buzz Hamon, said the last time he spoke with The Splendid Splinter, Williams said, "I need a lawyer ... Because I made a mistake."
Then the phone went dead.
'In my last phone conversation with Ted, two weeks after I left the museum, he told me he wanted to write a story on his last 20 years," Hamon said. "Then he said: 'Buzz, I need a lawyer.' I said: 'Why?' and Ted said, 'Because I've made a mistake.' At that point, someone apparently walked in the room where he was and yanked the phone out of his hand.""Apparently?" What the heck kind of word is that to use, Mr. Bigshot Yankee Suck-Up? Where's the zing, the whack in the face?
In fact, Paul Frankenstein (who I consult in such important matters) and I are so taken with this particular journalistic style, we wouldn't be altogether upset if it found its way into more articles that can use a dash of spice. For example:
Wachovia Buys Prudential Brokerage UnitSee that, Mr. Brian Kelleher? That's friggin' journalism!!!
Wed February 19, 2003 06:00 PM ET By Brian Kelleher
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Wachovia Corp. WB.N said on Wednesday it agreed to buy Prudential Financial Inc.'s PRU.N brokerage business, creating a new firm large enough to compete with top industry rivals such as Merrill Lynch & Co.
"This new company makes sense because it gives us the scale necessary to compete," said John Strangfeld, who ran Prudential's brokerage operations and will be chairman of the new firm.
Then the phone went dead.
February 18, 2003
The swag quotient was fairly decent though, as I filled my bag with the usual assortment of pens, keychains, and magazines, plus a few boxes of Simpsons Cookie D'ohs, some packs of baseball cards (I got an Ichiro!), a cute little doll for Jahna's niece Amber, and some fun little Lego-like blocks. Not to mention the company-expensed lunch (though if a dish is gonna be filled with mushrooms and in a mushroom broth, don't you think the menu description should at some point contain the word "mushrooms"?), and taxi ride. It made me feel all ... corporatey good.
February 17, 2003
February 16, 2003
Oh, and not that I'm not slightly pleased about the recognition, but the fact that I was somehow named as one of Blogstreet's 100 Most Important Blogs can only mean that either a) Their ranking system considers a disconcerting combination of self-promotion and self-deprecation to be extremely important, or b) Every single other blog that they ranked is about kittens.
Update: Um...I seem to have fallen out of the top 100 to #115 in their list, which is a touch embarrassing, but I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna take that banner down! They'll pry those pixels from my cold, dead, unimportant fingers!
David + David: "Heroes"
Fifteen long years on a losing streak
And a lot of bodies unburied,
And there comes a time when you cannot turn the other cheek,
You have got to ride the ferry
Past the battered old bodies of dead dead dreamers,
Past the tethered and fettered and deskbound schemers,
The punks and the drunks and the bad guitar players,
And the dewy-eyed teenage dragon slayers,
You come to this place where you can say
I just want to work with you,
As we do the things that we know we have to do,
Ever hopeful and ever blue,
We do the things that we know we have to do,
And though we all know deep down in our hearts,
That someday this will all fall apart,
For right now,
Let's just be heroes.
(Thanks to the David Baerwald Info Source for the lyrics.)
February 15, 2003
- If anybody out there would like to help me with a project I'm working on, I'm trying to come up with a whole calendar-full of happy, happy love-dates like the ones below.
- The illustrious Mike Wolf, who has managed to unearth even more unappealing photos of me at the BABB, has also provided a link to the superhilarious Dictionaraoke, which has just posted its 100th rockin' hit as sung by the audio pronunciation samples from online dictionaries. Enjoy, yes!
February 13, 2003
- January 8, 1937: Bob Eubanks, host of TV’s "Newlywed Game," is born.
- January 21, 1939: Ria Langham moves to Las Vegas to establish residency in order to divorce actor Clark Gable. Langham’s stay would bring huge publicity to the then-sleepy resort town.
- January 26, 1998: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.” — Bill Clinton
- February 15, 2000: Rick Rockwell and Darva Conger meet, marry on Fox’s "Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?"
- February 18, 1933: Yoko Ono, patron saint of girlfriends who come between a guy and his friends, is born in Tokyo.
- March 5, 1973: New York Yankees pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich report to spring training and announce that they have swapped families — wives, children, and even dogs.
- March 10, 1905: Ernst Grafenberg, best known for his work in the development of the intrauterine device (IUD), the phenomenon of female ejaculation, and the female erogenous zone best known as the “G-Spot,” received his doctorate from the University of Berlin. Fittingly, he graduated “summa cum laude.”
- March 24, 1962: According to Marilyn Monroe’s biographer Donald Spoto, this was the date of Monroe’s and John F. Kennedy’s only intimate encounter, at Bing Crosby’s Palm Spring house.
- April 9, 1894: "She cried — and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook." Tommy Manville, the notorious American playboy who shared the above wisdom following the dissolution of one of his 13 marriages, born this day.
- April 16, 1972: Giant pandas Ling Ling and Tsing Tsing arrive at DC’s National Zoo, kicking off two decades of reproductive futility.
- May 10, 1999: Nearly seven years after firing a bullet into the head of Mary Jo Buttafucco, Amy Fisher, the “Long Island Lolita,” is released from prison.
- May 18, 1926: Popular evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson is reported missing in Los Angeles. She turns up in Mexico over a month later claiming to have been kidnapped and held captive, though a Grand Jury would determine that she had actually spent the time with Kenneth Ormiston, a married, radio engineer at her church station.
- June 20, 1996: Glynn “Scotty” Wolfe and Linda Essex marry. It is his 29th and final marriage and her 23rd — both records.
- June 27, 1964: Perhaps Hollywood history’s most disturbing coupling, Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine marry; they would divorce about one tumultuous month later.
- June 29, 1994: Prince Charles admits to a longtime adulterous affair with Camilla Parker Bowles. The admission followed the release of taped phone conversation between the two, including one where Charles famously expressed a wish to live inside her trousers, possibly as a Tampax.
- July 19, 1966: In one of Hollywood’s more bizarre marriages, 50-year old Frank Sinatra and 21-year-old Mia Farrow marry on this date. Sinatra later joked onstage, “I finally found a broad I can cheat on."
- July 23, 1969: California passes the United States’ first no-fault divorce law.
- September 5, 1921: Comedian Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle meets actress Virginia Rappe at a San Francisco party — hilarity ensues.
- September 9, 1968: Debut of Bill Hoest’s The Lockhorns, the most depressingly unhappy couple in comic strip history.
- October 12, 1978: Sid Vicious is arrested at the Chelsea Hotel in New York for the fatal stabbing of his girlfriend, Nancy Spungen. According to the police report, Sid said, “I stabbed her but I didn’t mean to kill her. I loved her, but she treated me like shit.” He would die less than three months later of a drug overdose.
- November 20, 1995: During a one-hour BBC interview, Princess Diana admits to a five-year affair with her riding instructor, James Hewitt. A month later, Queen Elizabeth urged the couple to seek a divorce.
- December 12, 1639: First divorce in America granted to Mrs. James Luxford on grounds of adultery.
- December 30, 1992: Giant panda Ling Ling dies of heart failure at 23, ending 20 years of forced hookups with that ugly bastard Tsing Tsing.
Also, even though I don't really ever review movies or records or anything, I might just have to start just so I can institute my swanky new Whybark-Donkeys in a new Donkey rating system! For example: Monday's Supergrass show at the Bowery Ballroom gets out of five donkeys!
''I'm hot for many reasons,'' says Gisele, 19, a petite brunette who pirouettes and lifts her skimpy white mini to reveal a naked, cellulite-free bottom. ''I mean, just look at me -- I've got a nice face, a good body, and a nice ass. It's obvious!'' As a casting director stares, slack-jawed, she purses her glossy lips and adds earnestly, ''I feel very sorry for ugly people.''[From an Entertainment Weekly article about ABC's upcoming ''Are You Hot? The Search for America's Sexiest People,'' based on the William Makepeace Thackeray novel of the same name.]
February 12, 2003
[checks arounds, looks behind Archives, straightens out the left justification a touch]
You know, Mike — and I'm not implying that you necessarily had anything to do with it, not at all — but I'm pretty sure that when I gave you the password last night this site had a couple more insouciant and witty comments, at least one shocking expose that's gonna bring this country's pet food conglomerates to their knees, plus some change in one of the cupholders. Now, I'm looking around, and I don't see those things. Again, I'm not accusing you of anything, there could be a lot of explanations — this has been a high-crime blogroll and word has it that Frankenstein character's been lurking around — but how about I just head off to work now, and maybe when I get back home we'll see what's...turned up. Okay? Great.
February 11, 2003
[slams hood, wipes hands on shoprag, looks thoughtful]
So, lessee now, that's deeplinked imagehosting, an html tuneup, rearrangment of the Blogger badge, a coupla pictures... um, except for the interim imagehosting, you're all set! I only imagine you'll find that to be a problem if my computer freezes or something. Of course, that NEVER happens.
What's that? No, no, put your wallet away.
Come to think of it, I do have a voice recording I could use you for... Call me when you're at work, or in a public place, especially if you've had a beer or two. How's tomorrow looking for you?
WhybarkVision! (Oh, yeah: Mike has access to The Donk for the time being; don't be alarmed.)
Um...the blog revamp seems to have hit a bit of a snag...
Hmmm...that's slightly better, but still not Whybark-Perfect yet...but here's a little preview of the goodies to come:
Well, that isn't working either. Try again tomorrow, I guess. Wait, maybe this will work...nope. Ah, the hell with it.
[mike says:] grmble grmble... bravenet spotty imagehosting...
Ah, the bastages changed hosting policies on me, no deeplinking. Well, so now Ken's graphics are on the ever-trusty bellerophon.
Since I'm here:
February 10, 2003
Bridge + Tunnel = HOT!
Atheist Blogger Undeterred by Mortifying Public HumiliationDammit, R.A., or whoever the heck that was wearing your nametag, the next time I see you I owe you a drink!
An atheist weblogger who fell into a theologically-induced alcoholic stupor at a crowded blog party will continue with his shrill, anti-religious moralistic pontificating despite the apparent stain upon his reputation. The Screaming Atheist -- rendered unconscious for approximately four hours Friday night at downtown L.A.’s Xanadu by six overly-strong White Russians -- declared that the incident had only strengthened his resolve to expose the falsity of God-belief and the stupidity and hypocrisy of its adherents.
“It’s not exactly like I was toppling skyscrapers with airplanes or buggering boys in the rectory, now, was it?” he asked rhetorically. “Nor was I even a belligerent drunk like those homophobic Papists in the St. Patrick’s Day parade.” TSA noted that he fully cooperated with the restaurant’s so-called “bouncer,” a term that he disputed should even be applied to someone you tip $10 to help you stand up and hail a cab, a fact that anyone who had bothered to question the alleged “bouncer” would have discovered.
February 09, 2003
February 07, 2003
Update: Hmmm...since there's been some question as to how I really felt about the festivities and some strange desire to hear my opinion on the subject, let me just say that I had a fine, fine time at the BABB, despite any photographic evidence to the contrary. While the attendance was so large and the space so narrow as to make getting around a bit difficult, it was great to meet some new writers like Erin the Gigglechick, Paul Katcher (who is indeed doing God's work over there), Kambri Crews, Mike Wolf (my new favorite Connecticut-based blogger), Alex of BrokenType, and Eric Rosenfield (whose interest in Cerebus I wish I knew about beforehand) among others. This is, of course, in addition to the BABB veterans who I delight in seeing anew each and every time.
Oh, and Ari, I swear that any apparent discomfort you may have noticed during your farewell hug was not due to any possible "physical boundaries" issues, but because of the sudden appearance of a bizarre monster outside the window who ...disappeared when anybody...turned...to look. Or maybe it was something else.
February 06, 2003
February 04, 2003
February 02, 2003
Update: due to unpopular demand (actually at the request of my sister, one of my many apparently broke-ass friends and family members), prices at the KGP StripMall have been slashed down to almost nothing! Nothing I tells ya!
- First, last year, in response to an unprecedented office-supply meme (warning: article contains suicidally depressing line " 'Most people have had a Swingline on their desk, looking at the name every day, year after year,' [Bill Carvell, VP of Swingline's parent company] says."), Swingline introduced a "Rio Red" version of its standard "747" model, which is also notable for the new direction it takes with stapler marketing copy:
Up the Revolution: The Red Stapler! Staple and be heard! WHAM-cubicles! WHAM-dress code! WHAMWHAMWHAM! By popular demand, we're offering this desk stapler in screaming, gleaming red. Use with caution (unless you're the boss).Of course, the revolution will require SF4 Hi-Performance Staples.
- Jim Flanagan of Everything Burns noticed that in Adaptation, Ron Livingston, playing Charlie Kaufman's agent, paraphrases his old boss Bill Lumbergh's line when he tells Kaufman, "Mmmm...yeah, if we can see something on that...tomorrow, that would be great...yeah..."
- In one of the current Reebok "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker" series, one of the most popular Super Bowl ads, Tate is shown berating a cowering co-worker, screaming, "You know you need a cover sheet on your TPS reports, Richard! That ain't new, baby!"
February 01, 2003
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