The Illuminated Donkey

Attention World: Look, I understand that you're probably just trying to be nice or something, and I'm sure you mean well, but I'd like everybody out there to please stop holding the frigging door for me all the time. It's one thing when I'm walking a couple of steps behind you and letting go would cause me physical damage; that's fine, hold the door then, much appreciated. But you know what? If I'm, like, 20 yards away and in no particular hurry and haven't even looked at you, don't stand there holding the door and staring at me like I'm the most ungrateful bastard you've ever seen. What the hell do you want me to do, make a mad dash for it? Drop whatever I'm holding and run to the door, stopping to kneel down and thank you for being such a wonderful and caring person? How about you go on inside and leave me to handle this complicated door technology all by myself; that okay with you, champ?