The Illuminated Donkey

They Should Probably Ask Somebody Else to Give the Eulogy. The saga of America's most publicly disfunctional family continues with the early passing of John Henry Williams, Ted Williams's son. The cause was leukemia.

Apparently not receiving the "don't speak ill of the dead" memo was John's brother-in-law, Mark Ferrell:

"Isn't it something that you're such a liar and cheat and a scoundrel your whole life that nobody even believes it when you're dead? People think it's just another one of your scams. Unbelievable. [...]

John Henry Williams spent 35 years antagonizing people. He was a cheat, a thief and a liar. He was just a miserable human being. The Bible says honor your father and you will live long. Well, he didn't honor his father, and God came calling."

Well, that sure is gonna be a fun funeral, if there is gonna be a funeral; there is some confusion as to whether John will be joining his father ('s head) at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation in Arizona.

Of course, longtime readers of the Donk will certainly remember our chilling introduction to the Williams family, which I enjoyed so much I'll just reprint the money graf:

What would Ted Williams have thought if he knew his body would be hanging upside down in a nitrogen-filled tank with perhaps four other full bodies and five heads at a cryogenics lab inside a strip mall in Scottsdale, Ariz.

Williams' close friend, Buzz Hamon, said the last time he spoke with The Splendid Splinter, Williams said, "I need a lawyer ... Because I made a mistake."

Then the phone went dead.

God, I love that.