November 08, 2004

Makeup Week (What?!?!) Continues Here at The Donk! It's time for the latest episode of "Complete the AM New York Newspaper Column Lead!" This installment's column lead comes courtesy of former Playgirl Editor-in-Chief Ronnie Koenig. Let's play!
It's happened with every boyfriend I've ever had. About three months into the relationship, when the "I love you's" have already been said and a sort of comfortableness sets in, he'll look over to me as I'm putting on lipstick and innocently say...
What will he innocently say? Is it:
  1. "I wish you wouldn't come in here when I'm taking a dump."
  2. "Please, whatever you do, don't quote me in a crappy giveaway newspaper that people basically use as a sanitary guard for subway seats."
  3. "I am so glad I tried dating a fat chick for once."
  4. "Will you put some on me?"
  5. "Whore."
The correct answer is, as indicated by the article's title "When a Man Is Confident in Lipstick," D.

To which I can only reply, "Every man?!" Seriously? I'll admit that this isn't exactly my area of expertise, but doesn't that 100% figure seem just a bit high, even given what might be a rather large sampling size?

And just what type of confident guy reaches for the makeup box on cue at the 90-day mark? A few quotes: "No, I haven't been dating the members of Duran Duran..." "Members of bands like Kiss, Motley Crue, and Poison may have looked bizarre to parents, but certainly not to the throngs of women backstage at their concerts." "From the ancient traditions of Native Americans to the war paint Tommy Lee once adorned his face with, there is a wildness that men are burning to express through color."

Sense a theme running through those? So my fellow men, if you're looking to date an ex-groupie for a period of about three months, just slap on that lipstick and rouge!
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