The Illuminated Donkey

Please Forgive Us This One Transgression! Folks, there ain't no blog on this planet that covers the comings and goings and crackings of America's favorite foundation-repair-related mascot, Mr. Happy Crack, as obsessively and lovingly than us here at The Donk. From the delightfully insouciant T-shirts we wear while cleaning out the gutters, the little ads we see weekly in the New Yorker and New York Press, and the strangely enticing MHC bobblehead that is staring down on me as I type, it is no exaggeration to say that our eyes are always on Mr. Happy Crack, and his eyes are always on us.

Which is why we are ashamed to admit that for a few brief, completely-unlike-us minutes, we seriously considered withholding some important MHC news from our readers since we thought it was just too darn exciting, and we wanted it all to ourselves. Yes, we admit that we thought of betraying our smiling, cracked friend for no other reason that greed, or perhaps avarice; we can never remember if there's a difference between the two.

Fortunately, our better nature overcame this momentary lapse, and we are delighted to announce the once-in-a-lifetime "Be the Crack" contest:

Seeing Mr. Happy Crack 'live-and-in-person' is a sight to behold. Whether it's a franchise show or one of his celebrity-packed motivational seminars, Mr. Happy Crack in 'mascot-form' is quite an eyeful. As our popularity soars, it becomes increasingly difficult for only one individual to assume the persona of Mr. Happy Crack. That's why The Crack Team is now accepting applications from folks looking to fulfill their lifelong dream of 'becoming' Mr. Happy Crack. Submit your application and our crack-staff of judges (including famed mascot-dance innovator Gerard Gilbert) will review your submission and choose a winner before September 1, 2004. Fame and fortune await, so enter today!

One of us having previously worn the extremely-heavcostumeme-and-drum ensemble of the Energizer Bunny for the grand opening of a Drug Emporium, we feel that we have a pretty good advantage in the competition, but it is only fair for us to give everybody a chance, no matter how small. Good luck!