May 07, 2004
"Sure," I hear all of you great readers out there saying, "we're thrilled you're back, Ken, but frankly the site was feeling a little stale even before you spent the last three weeks hiding under your covers, weeping pathetically, emerging only to crawl over to the computer and type "desperate" and "will do anything" into the Monster.com search engine. What do you have planned to add a little zing into the whole Donk experience?”
I’m so glad you asked! All of us here at IllDonk Industries have spent the last few weeks in intensive creative brainstorming sessions, trying to come up with a few fresh twists and turns to add some spark to the classic Donk. And we think we have some winners! Your finger won’t want to leave the Refresh button when we unveil the following plot twists over the next few months!
- When his down-on-her-luck cousin Betty (who he had never even met!) passes away, Ken discovers that he has been left something special in her will: six adorable toddlers and a mischievous ferret! What will happen when New Jersey’s ultimate bachelor is forced to deal with the responsibilities of fatherhood? We’ll give you one guess, and it rhymes with jilarity!
- Not a hoax! Not a dream sequence! This Fall, somebody in our blogroll dies! An evil genius is trying to destroy The Donk by striking at the blogs closest to it. Can Ken stop this mysterious force of evilness before he strikes again? There’s only one way to find out!
- Sure, you already knew that Ken’s funny, smart, insightful, and boyishly handsome, but did you know he can also sing and dance? You’ll find out this Summer during That’s Donkertainment!, a full week of all-singing, all-dancing, all-blogging excitement! Keep logging on as Ken welcomes special guest stars Nick Lachey, Leslie Uggams, and puppeteer Jeff Dunham (high-speed Internet connection recommended for best results).
- Paul Frankenstein, The Fat Guy, Mike Whybark, Mr. Happy Crack…isn't it true that The Donk is nothing but a boy’s club? Not any more, it ain't! The sparks will fly this June when we introduce sexy and sassy Mary Lou LaRue. She’s the new CEO of IllDonk Industries who tries her best to rein in her renegade star employee, Ken Goldstein, who has only one rule when blogging: there is only one rule! Sexual tension? You bet your sweet ass!
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