April 05, 2004
My requirements for an Opening Day game are apparently quite stringent, since I demand that the game be played both during the day and in the North American continent. And for those reasons I declare that the baseball season begins right this very minute, in Toronto of all places, with Cy Young Award winner Roy Halladay pitching to Tiger CF Alex Sanchez.
I will spare the general public the sorry details of my two, count `em, two fantasy teams, except to pass along the telling detail that my NL team has already been dubbed the Eliminated Donkeys. However, I will not spare said GP my always-never-even-close preseason predictions, which will not even be in haiku form, shamefully enough. [Note: the below might differ from predictions I have made elsewhere; as always, all predictions are considered valid until proven otherwise.]
American League EastAnd for the World Series, carrying on my long-held belief that you should pick the Yankees until you have a very, very good reason not to, I'm predicting the Yankees over the Chicago Cubs. Play Ball!
American League Central: I refuse to write comments on this lousy division.
- New York Yankees: Why try to deny it?
- Boston Red Sox: My Wild Card pick, though I don't they're as sure a bet as most are saying (I see Mueller, Millar, and Ortiz falling off their 2003 seasons, plus Nomar and Pedro will miss a bunch of games); I just can't see the Mariners or A's beating them out]
- Baltimore Orioles: Much improved, plus they're the only team I actually put money on: $10 at 35-1 to win the pennant; yes, I know, no chance, but at the time I thought they'd get Vladimir.
- Toronto Blue Jays: Iffy rotation, iffy lineup, unhappy Delgado.
- Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Better, but still bad.
American League West
- Kansas City Royals
- Minnesota Twins
- Chicago White Sox
- Cleveland Indians
- Detroit Tigers
National League East
- Anaheim Angels: If Erstad and Glaus can put up even halfway decent numbers, this team is going to win the division by at least five games.
- Seattle Mariners: Supposedly Freddy Garcia looks great, but my team still needs one big bat. And if that bat has to be Griffey, I'd rather lose.
- Oakland A's: Presented without comment, the A's lineup: Kotsay, Ellis, Chavez, Dye, Durazo, Hatteberg, Kielty, Miller, and Crosby.
- Texas Rangers: Sorry, Fat Guy.
National League Central
- Philadelphia Phillies: I'd like to see them lose, if only to watch Bowa's head explode, but the next two teams lost way too much in the Winter.
- Atlanta Braves: It had to happen sometime.
- Florida Marlins: New slogan for baseball in Florida: Absolutely Huge for One Week Every Five Or So Years!
- Montreal/San Juan Expos: Good seats still available!
- New York Mets: Their promising young players are neither promising nor young: discuss.
National League West
- Chicago Cubs: Even with Prior hurt, this is the best team in the league.
- St. Louis Cardinals: My Wild Card pick, for absolutely no good reason that I can remember.
- Houston Astros: Pettitte's never been a great ERA guy, now pitching in huge hitter's park.
- Tied for last: Cincinnati Reds, Milwaukee Brewers, Pittsburgh Pirates: Ranking these three teams would be like ranking my root canals.
- Los Angeles Dodgers: Just a hunch in this mediocre division, and frankly, not a smart one.
- Arizona Diamondbacks: Hard to go against Randy Johnson and Richie Sexson, but I don't see the back end of the rotation panning out at all.
- San Diego Padres: Trendy pick, but I'm waiting until 2005.
- San Francisco Giants: Their #1 starter and closer are both hurting right now, and there's been a little distraction surrounding the left fielder.
- Colorado Rockies: Charles Johnson, Jeromy Burnitz, Vinny Castilla, Royce Clayton, Larry Walker...turn up the Limp Bizkit! It's like the late 90's all over again!
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