The Illuminated Donkey

Speaking of the Long Hard Lonely Slog of Winter...

LOVE SUCKS!

BLACKHEARTSPARTY.COM SERVES UP 'TODAY IN BLACK HEARTS HISTORY' AND ONLINE STORE, JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

January 20, 2004 — NEW YORK CITY — The romantically challenged will find relief this Valentine's Day with two new features on the Website designed for casualties of Cupid's arrow. The site is BlackHeartsParty.com, the online lifestyle zine that celebrates the dark side of love and wages war on candy hearts, fluffy teddy bears, sappy love songs and sugarcoated greeting cards.

The first of the two new features is "Today in Black Hearts History," a morbid look at broken-hearted events in history from the worlds of entertainment, politics, sports, and culture. "Why wait for the anniversary of your break-up to celebrate your misery?" said BlackHeartsParty.com co-founder Marc Y. Leonard. "We now offer great moments in Black Hearts History 365 days a year; and that's 366 days this year."

The second new feature is the online store, titled "Black Hearts Crapeteria." Here victims of Cupid can purchase insult gifts for exes, sympathy gifts for dumped friends, or items from "All About You," which includes t-shirts that read "Fragile" and "Emotionally unavailable."

Regular features of the site include original essays, poetry, and fiction on the Tree of Despondency; advice from relationship "expert" dog columnist Ethel; restaurant reviews in categories such as "Places to Take Someone to Dump," "Places to Cheat on Someone," and "Places to Make A Scene."

BlackHeartsParty.com was inspired by The Black Hearts Party, New York's longest-running anti-Valentine's Day event. The first annual Black Hearts Party was thrown in 1990 in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Last year's Black Hearts Party took place in Manhattan and was attended by over 400 unloved people.

Just in case you needed a little more Ken Goldstein in your life, you can find plenty of it and lots-lots more over at the aforementioned Black Hearts Party site, and since I remain single as February 14 approaches, all of the bitterness still stands. I spent a lot of time working on the Today in Black Hearts History part of the site, along with many other fine people, and I'm pretty darn proud of it. Please go and enjoy our pain.