The Illuminated Donkey

It's Wednesday evening all across this wonderful country of ours more or less, and that can mean only one thing: it's time for another startling edition of Nancy Goldstein's Monkeys, Donkeys, and Junkies: a regular foray into the latest headlines concerning three of our favorite things!

If you thought that you smelled a little monkey in the air, you're probably right!

All Set in Chinatown for Countdown to Lunar New Year of the Monkey.

SINGAPORE: It's the eve of the Lunar New Year and all the action is at Chinatown. Thousands of Singaporeans have been gathering there all evening to witness a countdown to the Year of the Monkey. And for the first time in some 30 years, firecrackers will be set off at the stroke of midnight.

Monkeys and fireworks? This sounds like the best prom ever! And simply by turning that little "m" to a "d" we're off to explore the world of donkeys, taking special care to focus on those beasts of burden with extra-special skills!

Sleep Well, All's Well: 'Watchdonkey' Is Guarding the Sheep.

Her assignment? To defend and protect a flock of 21 sheep.

Her skills? A powerful jaw capable of picking up anything that weighs 60 pounds or less, an on target forceful kick and a ferocious-sounding bray. A general distaste for canines and coyotes also helped Bonnie, a 7-year-old donkey specifically trained to ward off predators, land the new guardian post. [...]

In the event of an attack, Bonnie will point her ears forward and bray. She will kick with her hooves or bite the dog or coyote with enough force that could maim or kill it. (Under state law, it is legal to kill an animal that is attacking livestock.)

And for the final stop on the MD&J tour we head to the streets of Manhattan to check in with one of our favorite actors, Mr. Rip Torn, who's found himself in a spot of trouble:

Rip Torn Arrested for Drunk Driving.

Men In Black actor Rip Torn has been charged with drunk driving after he crashed into the rear of a New York taxicab in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

According to a police report posted on the Smoking Gun website, the 72-year-old veteran star was "incoherent" when approached by a police officer following the 12:40 AM crash in Greenwich Village, and was found to have "watery and bloodshot eyes, had slurred speech, had the odor of alcohol on his breath, was unsteady on his feet and had a flushed face."

Torn - real name Elmore Rual Torn - also reportedly answered the officer's questions by repeatedly saying, "What. Huh."

I'm guessing that "What. Huh." was not the correct answer to the officer's questions.

Be sure to check back soon for another globe-spanning edition of Nancy Goldstein's Monkeys, Donkeys, and Junkies!