The Illuminated Donkey

The Managing Board of Directors of IllDonk Industries is pleased to invite you to take part in a new experiment in artist retreats.

Welcome to Donkloaf.

Located on nearly 1/60th of an acre in the scenic Journal Square region of Jersey City, the mission of Donkloaf is to encourage artists to achieve new levels of creative expression. Unlike other artists’ communities that place a high premium on nurturing the creative process through serene surroundings and abundant personal space, we believe in providing a structured, rousing environment that will best propel our residents to reach new creative heights.

What puts Donkloaf head and shoulders above other artist colonies and retreats? In a word: stimulation. While other organizations believe that letting promising candidates roam free on hundreds of acres of beautifully landscaped serenity inspires artists, we at IllDonk Industries feel that’s a sure to way end up with a half-dozen bored writers babbling on about birds tweeting or the wind or something. Most artists have plenty of time and space; what they need is the stimulation Donkloaf provides.

That’s why rather than build a languid paradise away from the hustle and bustle of the city, we’ve located Donkloaf right in the heart of one, namely, in a two-bedroom condo located near the Pulaski Skyway. From the cacophony of trucks passing by at five in the morning to the loud, lengthy conversations taking place right outside the window, artists of all fields will never be at a loss for inspiration and new ideas. And for those who might not be inspired by the sounds of the city, we have digital cable as well.

Perhaps of even more benefit to the artists who join us, rather than let our artists face the endless expanse of the day alone, we provide individual and group activities that strengthen both the body and soul. Whether they’re performing physical tasks like the Director’s laundry and bathroom cleanup or more analytical ones like balancing the Director’s checkbook, the artists will finish each with the satisfaction of a job well done and the thrill of putting that newly acquired work ethic into their creative accomplishments.

And best of all, unlike the other groups who base their acceptance policies on elitist standards such as personal connections and existing talent, we’re open to any budding artist who is able to meet the fee requirements. Below are our one-week fee levels with accompanying accommodations:

• $995: Living Room Couch
• $795: Living Room Love Seat
• $695 (2 Available): Hall Closet
• $595 (3 Available): Bedroom Floor
• $545: Bathroom (Tub)

[Please note that additional space in the Director’s bedroom may be available for specially qualified female members of our dance program.]

Availability is limited to eight reasured guests per one-week period, so please contact us as soon as possible to arrange your stay. The staff of Donkloaf looks forward to hearing from you, and can promise that your art will never be the same.