The Illuminated Donkey

From the "Problem Solvers" section of Central Florida's WKMG-TV site:

Fla. Delivery Man Allegedly Spotted Naked, Fondling Self

A 29-year-old food service delivery driver was fired after he was allegedly spotted naked and fondling himself among food containers prepared for Central Florida senior citizens, according to Local 6 News.

Students at the Rose Training Institute said that they saw the truck driver, who is believed to be Andrew Raquet, fondling himself with the Styrofoam containers at the Pine Hills Shopping Center parking lot.

"He was totally, totally naked, nothing on," [witness Frank] Solomon said. "He was buck naked, over the food."

And the really sad part of this is that the innocent, nonbiodegradable Styrofoam is gonna have to live with that memory for millions of years.