April 13, 2003
As I've mentioned, next week I will be spending 40 glorious hours in the greatest damn city on God's green planet, Las Vegas. Now, I don't want to go out on any kind of a limb here, but it's entirely possible that I might be partaking in a little gambling while I'm there. If you're like me — namely, a filthy degenerate gambler who'd palm an ace to cheat his own mother out of her insulin money — you're thinking, "Hey, I sure as heck would like to do a little gambling in Vegas myself!"
Well, folks, you can!
The first ten folks who make a comment to this here post will each earn themselves one shiny $1 roulette chip, to be played on the number or numbers of their choice! Now, you can play that chip on one number (which would pay $36), between two numbers (for example, 20/21 or 20/23; pays $18), on a 'street' of three horizontal numbers (10/11/12; pays $12), or on a corner between four numbers (31/32/34/35; pays $9). No outside bets (Red/Black, Odd/Even) allowed, I'm afraid. You can check out this link to see the table layout and choose your numbers (warning: obviously links to possibly NSFW gambling site).
I will be taking this list of numbers with me to Vegas, and playing them all on one spin of the roulette wheel at the fabulous El Cortez! I'll be matching all of the bets with a chip of my own, and if your number comes in...we win! Maybe even enough to pay for my dirt-cheap hotel room! And even if your number doesn't come in, you'll still get a little souvenir from my stay in Vegas. It could be a swizzle stick, a deck of cards, or maybe even a restraining order filed by Celine Dion, but whatever it is it's gonna be Vegastastic! (Note: any commenters after 10 will also be eligible to receive a Vegas Travel Buddy souvenir.)
And as for those naysayers who have hinted that I might not be completely honest about what number comes in, that I might just pocket the cash myself and send the real winner some crappy drink coasters or something? Well, go screw yourself, deek. No roulette chip for you!
But as for the rest of you fine folks: just remember: when The Donk goes on vacation, it's like you're going on vacation, too! (Except that we get to actually see the strippers.)
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