The Illuminated Donkey

From the Salon Personals (where for some reason I decided to browse the Iraq section), I present selected highlights from the profile of "mattvadervonian," a six-foot-tall 190-pound blonde (it's his Iraqi-Celtic heritage) high-ranking official based in Baghdad and looking for a little love.

Best (or worst) lie I've ever told:
'People like you. I mean people really like you. They really really like you. And I don't think you should let this UN shit get ya down. So get your chin up and go back out there and let 'em have it'

If I could be anywhere at the moment:
On the Tigris with 12 pack and some hand grenades.

The five items I can't live without:

1. Saddam
2. Tea
3. Hand Grenades (They really do make fishing a whole lot easier)
4. My Crew-everybody around me that makes things run smoothly: Tariq, Muhammed, Saddam Jr, and, of course, let's not forget Todd Oldham. Todd you're a sweeeeeeeeetie!
5. Bedpans

Fill in the blanks:Saddam is sexy; Sajida Talfah (Saddam's Wife) is sexier.

Why you should get to know me
I'm strong, sensitive, and I'm being fast tracked within the regime. You're looking at a star.

It's funny, because it's not true!