The Illuminated Donkey

Do you believe in love? Do you believe it's true? I am pleased to announce the launching of the all-new Black Hearts Party site, to which I was fortunate enough to be allowed to contribute. It's a site dedicated to true love, soulmates, happily-ever-afters, and a whole lot more crap that ain't ever gonna happen to you.

the black hearts party manifesto

We the Black Hearts Party are waging a war of sanity. No longer shall we suffer to be the hapless prey of Cupid or the pawns of St. Valentine. Firmly we stand, against the army of fluffy white teddy bears that advance marching lock step from every convenience store and gas station. They pelt us with plastic-wrapped roses and shrill their shat-out love songs in our ears but to no avail. "Fax me" their candy hearts exclaim before they are crushed beneath our heels. Our eyes have been opened and no amount of Meg Ryan showing us her gums can close them again. We are the fed-up, the awoken, the free -- The Black Hearts Party.

My humble contributions are in the Restaurants Reviews section, specifically the "Places to Dump Someone" area, but you're gonna want to read the whole sordid site, and you'd better have a stiff drink waiting for you on the other side.