The Illuminated Donkey

If you're starting to get a little teary-eyed over the impending strike, be sure to read this New York Times Magazine article about the utterly pathetic Mets season. It'll dry them peepers so fast you'll need a gallon of eyedrops if you even want to blink.

''I don't get it,'' he begins in typical [Mike] Piazza fashion, a tone that suggests that what he really doesn't get is how other people don't see things his way. ''It's just amazing to me that people think we're striking just to make more money. I appreciate the money and the lifestyle, but it's not the reason why I play. If you take everything away from me I would be able to put a roof over my head and food on my table. I'd do something. I wouldn't sit around and moan about guys who are making money.''

He's on a roll: ''And then people will read this and say: 'Oh, how dare you, your dad was rich. Blah. Blah. Blah.' I'm sick of that. There's a lot of opportunity out there. Go and make it. I give 100 percent to what I'm doing. I'm not going to apologize for what I make. That's not what this country is about. As players, we're fighting to make what the market will bear. We're centurions for the American way.''

Memo to the soon-to-be-striking players (and owners, for that matter): if you're looking to win over our hearts and minds, be sure to keep in mind that we're the frigging market that you're attempting to gauge the bearability of, and avoid that whole American Centurion tack, since it frankly makes us want to punch all of you in the throat.

In a related note, the "With whom do you side in the baseball contract dispute?" Times poll that accompanies the article has the owners and players running even at about 20% each, with Neither garnering about 60%.