The Illuminated Donkey

Boy, when things aren't going well... Baseball simply couldn't be in a bigger slump right now. The offensive fireworks of the past few years have been obscured with suspicion of steroid abuse. The Yankees have decided to quiet all those large-market/small-market arguments by acquiring Raul Mondesi for a sack of rosin bags and later picking up Jeff Weaver. Not that his death is a good thing, but what could have been a celebration of Ted William's life has instead degenerated into an ugly squabble between his children over whether to cremate him and scatter his ashes over the Florida Keys or freeze him in order to later sell his DNA. And baseball's midseason showcase ended in bottle-throwing embarrassment when the game was called after 11 innings (by the way, in the writing business we call that foreshadowing).