tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31650052024-03-26T23:37:46.254-07:00The Illuminated Donkey<b>Posting from Donkey Command Central, in the Central District of the Emerald City.</b>Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.comBlogger1610125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-31919198747920706802009-04-15T22:05:00.000-07:002009-04-15T22:07:04.080-07:00Whoo hoo. My third professional article, today on Cracked. I'm avoiding the comment section like the plague. 7 Retarded Tax Evasion Schemes (People Are Actually Trying).Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com118tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-77535052431974112462009-04-05T10:34:00.000-07:002009-04-05T11:36:31.180-07:00Whoo hoo. My second professional article, today on Cracked. It's a rare delightful Sunday here in Seattle, so I can't sit around and watch the Diggs come in... 6 Geniuses Who Saw Their Inventions Go Terribly Wrong.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-27892134191095614112009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:002009-03-31T14:18:01.082-07:00Whoo hoo! My first professional article, today on the front page of Cracked.The 6 Most Depressing IMDb PagesKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-75388713747014664102009-02-03T13:14:00.001-08:002009-02-03T13:14:29.423-08:00Resumes and work samples are available upon request...Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-21553574006320303882009-01-28T22:36:00.000-08:002009-01-28T22:39:03.380-08:00[Edited Excerpt from the Upcoming Article] People Who Were Around a Lot Later than You ThoughtHistorical Figure: Herbert HooverPeak Moment: 1929-1933, aka “The reason your grandparents stole Sweet N’ Low packets from Denny’s”Lived Long Enough to See: The Beatles in “A Hard Day’s Night”It’s unfortunate that our greatest Presidents generally never had the chance to bask in their glory. Lincoln and Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-31145349720032118832009-01-27T10:21:00.001-08:002009-01-27T10:46:09.051-08:00The Most Impressively Unimpressive Professional Sports CareersAthlete: Dick ShinerSport: FootballNot everyone can be an all-star, but even the mediocre can usually find their place in the sporting world. Maybe you don’t have the fastball to be the closer, but you can still get plenty of innings in middle relief. Maybe you’re stuck behind Kobe or Lebron, but you can come off the bench when they Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-84454489290593100422009-01-25T19:27:00.001-08:002009-01-25T19:53:06.541-08:002009 Seattle Mariners FanFest (photos thanks to Murph)The Seattle Mariners locker room. Plenty of elbow room, TVs. Much, much nicer than the visitor's locker room.Just like your office, the locker room has an inbox. Except instead of slots for the HR assistant and traffic manager, there's ones for Ichiro and Felix Hernandez. Outside the locker room, the Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-60334106010867741652009-01-25T19:22:00.000-08:002009-01-27T12:35:05.416-08:00Cha Seung BaekThough the Korean-born pitcher was traded last year from the Seattle Mariners to the San Diego Padres, where he is pencilled in as their #3 starter, he will live on at Safeco Field in 2009 thanks to...this sweet game-worn jersey I picked up dirt cheap yesterday at the Mariners FanFest. See you all in April.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-68425986257611720832009-01-21T13:58:00.000-08:002009-01-21T14:21:14.735-08:00Link Roundup!I'm working on a long article (featuring the term "bed-shittingest"!), so here's the best links that have passed through my in box.Via The Consumerist, Men's Health presents the Worst Foods in America. Topping the list this year: a 2600-calorie Baskin-Robbins milkshake!The Playmobil Security Check Point.The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage onKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-37578582208116065452009-01-20T10:03:00.000-08:002009-01-20T10:47:53.262-08:00I Love the 80's! Especially the WWI-era Communist Activists!Paramount recently re-released 40 of their titles on DVD in a special "I Love the 80's" edition, with a bonus CD of top 80's hits including "Lips Like Sugar" and "Need You Tonight." The collection features the classic, fun 80's hits "Top Gun," "Pretty in Pink," "Footloose," "Grease 2," and...ummm..."Reds." Becuase when I think of INXS Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-91176473239433668772009-01-19T14:04:00.000-08:002009-01-19T14:05:06.630-08:00The Curious Case of Forrest Gump.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com242tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-80992104492887146342009-01-19T11:40:00.000-08:002009-01-20T10:55:13.373-08:00Things that Never Taste as Good as They Sound on the MenuStuffed Seafood Dishes. These always get me in a moment of indecision when I can't decide between three or four things, and then I'm like, Wow! Salmon stuffed with lobster and crabmeat! That's three awesome things! Then there's some big mess on my plate and I realize I should have just gone with the salmon or the lobrster or the Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-985199083995971182009-01-18T14:20:00.000-08:002009-01-18T14:31:59.311-08:00[The following was written for the 20th anniversary issue of The Rutgers Review, my college newspaper.]Dear Present-Day Reviewers:How it does my heart proud to see that the kids of today haven't completely given up on the traditions of the past, still endeavoring to get their hands dirty with the old newsprint and ink. When I received your missive I went up to the nether regions of my attic and Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-80495266190732758882009-01-16T16:59:00.000-08:002009-01-16T17:00:23.732-08:00The Most Frustrating Week of My Job SearchSo last Thursday there was a job posting, a website seeking a editor/proofreader/writer. Not great pay, but the kind of work I enjoy doing, interesting subject, and very close to home (I really want to avoid one of those three-bus, two-hour commutes I've been threatened with). So I send off my resume, but how to make it stand out (unlike the other hundredKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-28524985707571058792009-01-15T22:36:00.002-08:002009-01-15T22:52:38.234-08:00So What Am I Doing Since I'm Not Employed?Well, other than having some fun times with a cute duck, I've been trying to build up some creative energy to break through the overcast skies.I've restarted the blog (though, so far, quietly), am going to try to do some stand-up and see where that goes (I did my first Seattle open mic here this past Monday and it went pretty well; obviously Seattle is Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-59693979236357799182009-01-14T22:23:00.008-08:002009-01-15T14:55:52.277-08:00Rickey Henderson, one of my five favorite players of all time, will be heading to Cooperstown this summer, and I am incredibly disappointed that I won't be there to see it. I've seen about four or five induction ceremonies, and I can't recommend them highly enough. Just an absolutely wonderful day for a baseball fan (and free, by the way), and other than the absolute madhouse when we went up to Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-58450268430188712892009-01-14T12:22:00.003-08:002009-01-14T12:55:59.409-08:00Good to see that this is still the #1 Google site for "Illuminated Donkey." But for how long?[Just to cut in here, you have no idea how freaking awkward the whole punctuation thing was in that paragraph. I originally wrote it with an ellipsis, you know, to try to build some suspense. Like...boo! Like that. But then there's that whole quotation mark situation. I mean, it just looks pretty stupid Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-6629910813794449472009-01-13T11:58:00.005-08:002009-01-14T11:34:05.261-08:00My New Neighborhood: A SonnetThreats - Caller's 15-year-old son is threatening to kill her Alarm - Audible residential alarm, front door triggered Narcotics - Several people doing drugs under the bus shelter Shoplifting - Adult male in custody at QFC Narcotics - Men selling drugs on the caller's front porch Shoplifting - Adult male in custody at QFC Accident - Two car accident, unknown injuries Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-84270825666813918042009-01-13T00:56:00.001-08:002009-01-13T00:57:57.374-08:00Rick's Gifts, a Comedy Sketch.Written by Ken Goldstein, and performed by Improv Asylum in Boston on June 27, 2008Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-41585187487033427452009-01-12T13:21:00.014-08:002009-01-13T00:33:22.779-08:00My Used & New 2008 and the Search for Amazon's Most Resold CDLet's start with a hypothetical situation: say...a certain person quits his job to move across the country almost simultaneously with one of history's most dramatic economic crises. And just for the sake of argument, let's say that he moves to an especially hard-hit city, where the number of unemployed has risen over 36% since AprilKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-25092978027894238442009-01-12T12:00:00.000-08:002009-01-20T11:32:49.574-08:00Or maybe not.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1114314071201145952005-04-22T21:00:00.000-07:002005-04-23T20:41:11.203-07:00I guess that just about wraps it up.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1112492336099359162005-04-02T17:38:00.000-08:002005-04-02T17:38:56.100-08:00Folks, things are definitely looking up.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111996784415193032005-03-28T00:00:00.000-08:002005-03-27T23:59:44.416-08:00Suddenly, in the harsh darkness of three in the morning, it all makes complete sense. I need to get married and have a child, preferably a son, by the end of 2005.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111942623610571182005-03-27T06:00:00.000-08:002005-03-27T08:57:03.610-08:00Happy Easter or, as it was known in the Goldstein household in my youth, 50% Off Solid Milk Chocolate Bunnies Eve. Which explains so much.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com4