tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31650052012-02-04T14:39:11.756-08:00The Illuminated Donkey<b>Posting from Donkey Command Central, in the Central District of the Emerald City.</b>Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.comBlogger16111100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-31919198747920706802009-04-15T22:05:00.000-07:002009-04-15T22:07:04.080-07:00Whoo hoo. My third professional article, today on Cracked. I'm avoiding the comment section like the plague. 7 Retarded Tax Evasion Schemes (People Are Actually Trying).Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-77535052431974112462009-04-05T10:34:00.000-07:002009-04-05T11:36:31.180-07:00Whoo hoo. My second professional article, today on Cracked. It's a rare delightful Sunday here in Seattle, so I can't sit around and watch the Diggs come in... 6 Geniuses Who Saw Their Inventions Go Terribly Wrong.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-27892134191095614112009-03-31T14:17:00.000-07:002009-03-31T14:18:01.082-07:00Whoo hoo! My first professional article, today on the front page of Cracked.The 6 Most Depressing IMDb PagesKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-75388713747014664102009-02-03T13:14:00.001-08:002009-02-03T13:14:29.423-08:00Resumes and work samples are available upon request...Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-21553574006320303882009-01-28T22:36:00.000-08:002009-01-28T22:39:03.380-08:00[Edited Excerpt from the Upcoming Article] People Who Were Around a Lot Later than You ThoughtHistorical Figure: Herbert HooverPeak Moment: 1929-1933, aka “The reason your grandparents stole Sweet N’ Low packets from Denny’s”Lived Long Enough to See: The Beatles in “A Hard Day’s Night”It’s unfortunate that our greatest Presidents generally never had the chance to bask in their glory. Lincoln and Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-31145349720032118832009-01-27T10:21:00.001-08:002009-01-27T10:46:09.051-08:00The Most Impressively Unimpressive Professional Sports CareersAthlete: Dick ShinerSport: FootballNot everyone can be an all-star, but even the mediocre can usually find their place in the sporting world. Maybe you don’t have the fastball to be the closer, but you can still get plenty of innings in middle relief. Maybe you’re stuck behind Kobe or Lebron, but you can come off the bench when they Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-84454489290593100422009-01-25T19:27:00.001-08:002009-01-25T19:53:06.541-08:002009 Seattle Mariners FanFest (photos thanks to Murph)The Seattle Mariners locker room. Plenty of elbow room, TVs. Much, much nicer than the visitor's locker room.Just like your office, the locker room has an inbox. Except instead of slots for the HR assistant and traffic manager, there's ones for Ichiro and Felix Hernandez. Outside the locker room, the Major League Baseball’s Joint Drug Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-60334106010867741652009-01-25T19:22:00.000-08:002009-01-27T12:35:05.416-08:00Cha Seung BaekThough the Korean-born pitcher was traded last year from the Seattle Mariners to the San Diego Padres, where he is pencilled in as their #3 starter, he will live on at Safeco Field in 2009 thanks to...this sweet game-worn jersey I picked up dirt cheap yesterday at the Mariners FanFest. See you all in April.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-68425986257611720832009-01-21T13:58:00.000-08:002009-01-21T14:21:14.735-08:00Link Roundup!I'm working on a long article (featuring the term "bed-shittingest"!), so here's the best links that have passed through my in box.Via The Consumerist, Men's Health presents the Worst Foods in America. Topping the list this year: a 2600-calorie Baskin-Robbins milkshake!The Playmobil Security Check Point.The woman traveler stops by the security checkpoint. After placing her luggage onKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-37578582208116065452009-01-20T10:03:00.000-08:002009-01-20T10:47:53.262-08:00I Love the 80's! Especially the WWI-era Communist Activists!Paramount recently re-released 40 of their titles on DVD in a special "I Love the 80's" edition, with a bonus CD of top 80's hits including "Lips Like Sugar" and "Need You Tonight." The collection features the classic, fun 80's hits "Top Gun," "Pretty in Pink," "Footloose," "Grease 2," and...ummm..."Reds." Becuase when I think of INXS Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-91176473239433668772009-01-19T14:04:00.000-08:002009-01-19T14:05:06.630-08:00The Curious Case of Forrest Gump.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com241tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-80992104492887146342009-01-19T11:40:00.000-08:002009-01-20T10:55:13.373-08:00Things that Never Taste as Good as They Sound on the MenuStuffed Seafood Dishes. These always get me in a moment of indecision when I can't decide between three or four things, and then I'm like, Wow! Salmon stuffed with lobster and crabmeat! That's three awesome things! Then there's some big mess on my plate and I realize I should have just gone with the salmon or the lobrster or the Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-51752975347361832772009-01-19T09:46:00.000-08:002009-01-19T10:59:04.942-08:00Monday Morning and the Ongoing Job Search...Ah, the heck with all that. Let's just see what Google searches are getting people to this page:videos of donkeys sad and unlovedDonkey Segwaydocumentary donkey movie mountains vodkadonkey a friend in needprettygirl escort njnational skee ball associationcocky donkey drawingsThe Illuminated Donkey: Your #1 Source for Documentary Donkey Movie Mountains Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-985199083995971182009-01-18T14:20:00.000-08:002009-01-18T14:31:59.311-08:00[The following was written for the 20th anniversary issue of The Rutgers Review, my college newspaper.]Dear Present-Day Reviewers:How it does my heart proud to see that the kids of today haven't completely given up on the traditions of the past, still endeavoring to get their hands dirty with the old newsprint and ink. When I received your missive I went up to the nether regions of my attic and Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-80495266190732758882009-01-16T16:59:00.000-08:002009-01-16T17:00:23.732-08:00The Most Frustrating Week of My Job SearchSo last Thursday there was a job posting, a website seeking a editor/proofreader/writer. Not great pay, but the kind of work I enjoy doing, interesting subject, and very close to home (I really want to avoid one of those three-bus, two-hour commutes I've been threatened with). So I send off my resume, but how to make it stand out (unlike the other hundredKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-28524985707571058792009-01-15T22:36:00.002-08:002009-01-15T22:52:38.234-08:00So What Am I Doing Since I'm Not Employed?Well, other than having some fun times with a cute duck, I've been trying to build up some creative energy to break through the overcast skies.I've restarted the blog (though, so far, quietly), am going to try to do some stand-up and see where that goes (I did my first Seattle open mic here this past Monday and it went pretty well; obviously Seattle is Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-59693979236357799182009-01-14T22:23:00.008-08:002009-01-15T14:55:52.277-08:00Rickey Henderson, one of my five favorite players of all time, will be heading to Cooperstown this summer, and I am incredibly disappointed that I won't be there to see it. I've seen about four or five induction ceremonies, and I can't recommend them highly enough. Just an absolutely wonderful day for a baseball fan (and free, by the way), and other than the absolute madhouse when we went up to Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-58450268430188712892009-01-14T12:22:00.003-08:002009-01-14T12:55:59.409-08:00Good to see that this is still the #1 Google site for "Illuminated Donkey." But for how long?[Just to cut in here, you have no idea how freaking awkward the whole punctuation thing was in that paragraph. I originally wrote it with an ellipsis, you know, to try to build some suspense. Like...boo! Like that. But then there's that whole quotation mark situation. I mean, it just looks pretty stupid Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-6629910813794449472009-01-13T11:58:00.005-08:002009-01-14T11:34:05.261-08:00My New Neighborhood: A SonnetThreats - Caller's 15-year-old son is threatening to kill her Alarm - Audible residential alarm, front door triggered Narcotics - Several people doing drugs under the bus shelter Shoplifting - Adult male in custody at QFC Narcotics - Men selling drugs on the caller's front porch Shoplifting - Adult male in custody at QFC Accident - Two car accident, unknown injuries Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-84270825666813918042009-01-13T00:56:00.001-08:002009-01-13T00:57:57.374-08:00Rick's Gifts, a Comedy Sketch.Written by Ken Goldstein, and performed by Improv Asylum in Boston on June 27, 2008Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-41585187487033427452009-01-12T13:21:00.014-08:002009-01-13T00:33:22.779-08:00My Used & New 2008 and the Search for Amazon's Most Resold CDLet's start with a hypothetical situation: say...a certain person quits his job to move across the country almost simultaneously with one of history's most dramatic economic crises. And just for the sake of argument, let's say that he moves to an especially hard-hit city, where the number of unemployed has risen over 36% since April, Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-25092978027894238442009-01-12T12:00:00.000-08:002009-01-20T11:32:49.574-08:00Or maybe not.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1114314071201145952005-04-22T21:00:00.000-07:002005-04-23T20:41:11.203-07:00I guess that just about wraps it up.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1112492336099359162005-04-02T17:38:00.000-08:002005-04-02T17:38:56.100-08:00Folks, things are definitely looking up.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111996784415193032005-03-28T00:00:00.000-08:002005-03-27T23:59:44.416-08:00Suddenly, in the harsh darkness of three in the morning, it all makes complete sense. I need to get married and have a child, preferably a son, by the end of 2005.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111942623610571182005-03-27T06:00:00.000-08:002005-03-27T08:57:03.610-08:00Happy Easter or, as it was known in the Goldstein household in my youth, 50% Off Solid Milk Chocolate Bunnies Eve. Which explains so much.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111910873433178672005-03-26T21:05:00.000-08:002005-03-27T00:07:53.436-08:00By the way, don't bother to see the Daniel Buren installation at the Guggenheim; it's total ass.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111906003368967572005-03-26T21:00:00.000-08:002005-03-26T22:46:43.376-08:00Well, That Wasn't Too Bad, After All. 21-day flu completely banished from my system, my new room in some sort of order, all-logic-to-the-contrary-increasingly-difficult job...well, they pay me every Friday, and I need the money, and the sun was briefly shining this morning and things are looking ever-so-slightly up! Okay, granted, I ended up in an incredibly crowded and stress-inducing Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1111410371346771432005-03-21T05:04:00.000-08:002005-03-21T05:06:11.346-08:00Ever since I discovered my new local laundry's wash/fold service, my life is looking a whole lot better.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1110845465778067202005-03-14T16:05:00.000-08:002005-03-14T16:11:05.780-08:00Greetings from Times Square USA! Blogging will resume when I finish unpacking all of my computer equipment and get everything set up. To be more specific, it will resume when I can make some sense of the dozens of boxes, boxes, boxes that my life has become, the inevitable result of moving into about half the room space, which was, in turn, the inevitable result of looking for a new place to liveKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1110420137006266132005-03-09T17:00:00.000-08:002005-03-09T18:02:17.006-08:00I hate when I open a bottle of soda and notice that the inside of the bottlecap says something like "SORRY PLEASE TRY AGAIN" and all of a sudden I'm a loser and I didn't even know I was playing a damn game.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1110345487211879052005-03-08T21:00:00.000-08:002005-03-08T21:18:07.213-08:00Okay, first things first: yes, I am still sick. This has been one week-long bitch of a whatever-the-hell I have, with constantly changing symptoms that seem to have all converged in my throat. I finally went to a doctor yesterday, and right now I'm on enough antibiotics and OTC medications to ensure that I should probably never drive again. And during this whole crapfest, I've had to pack and Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109871048964962242005-03-03T09:26:00.000-08:002005-03-03T09:30:48.963-08:00Still sick.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109789029544695142005-03-02T11:00:00.000-08:002005-03-02T10:43:49.546-08:00Great, back blogging for a day and I come down with an ugly, achy cough. I blame you people, one of whom should be apologetic enough to come over and pack.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109729610820980782005-03-02T06:00:00.000-08:002005-03-02T05:17:37.696-08:00I Think I Am Making a Huge Freaking Mistake! Basically, I need to move...oh, let's say this Saturday. As in four freaking days from now, and of course nothing is really packed, though most of my things are still in the same boxes as they were when I moved in here. Now, 'here' happens to be the second different room I've subletted in this building I've grown to like very much, so when I found a Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109769420391338322005-03-02T05:00:00.000-08:002005-03-02T05:17:00.393-08:00A Tragic Tale? A Warning? A New Dramatic Format? Presented, in the form of sequential Craigslist personals, The Saga of Evelyn. And for some supplemental materail, check here and here.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109647915875329492005-02-28T21:25:00.000-08:002005-02-28T20:16:08.443-08:00Another Great Moment in Humorlessness, Featuring Sean Penn!"I really don't appreciate the negative connotations of what you're saying. Like all people, the Polish have a wide intellectual range, from Nobel Prize-winning poet Wislawa Szymborska and labor leader Lech Walesa, down to the unfortunate retarded individuals such as I portrayed in I Am Sam. Even these brave people would be able to masterKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109641672333022432005-02-28T21:10:00.000-08:002005-02-28T17:50:26.893-08:00If I Were This Guy, I'd Get a Better Lawyer.JERUSALEM -- Gonen Segev, a former Israeli Cabinet minister, admitted to attempting to smuggle 32,000 Ecstasy tablets into Israel as part of a plea bargain, the Israeli media reported yesterday. --from today's AM New YorkIn all fairness, though, I should mention that the prosecutor's original offer was for Segev to rob a convenience store and take the Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109650419158835432005-02-28T21:07:00.000-08:002005-02-28T20:13:39.160-08:00Great Moments in Humorlessness, Featuring Sean Penn!"Frankly, I'm both hurt and confused. Despite being relatively sure that the front of my shirt was free of either debris or stains, I looked down when you pointed at this alleged problem. And I think we both know what indignity followed. Was that facial attack my punishment for trusting you? If so, it was a cruel punishment for a crime that willKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109550920135067662005-02-28T21:05:00.000-08:002005-02-28T19:18:18.493-08:00Talk of the Town.Late Friday night, I overheard a woman speaking to her companion from behind a post in the hallway between the subway and 33rd Street PATH station. Her piquant comment: "I ain't the first one that pissed here and I ain't gonna be the last!" Well told.Stopped in at the soon-to-be-condominiummed The Plaza last weekend while a friend and I were up visiting The Gates (yes, it was an Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1109640104020368672005-02-28T21:00:00.000-08:002005-02-28T17:21:44.023-08:00Yeah, what the hell, let's try this blogging thing again.Well, now that a little time has passed since the official Worst Year of My Life finally and mercifully ended. For those of you keeping score, the WYoML was triggered at around noon last February 18, when my supervisor took me into a conference room and kicked me to the curb like a leaky plastic bag of expired shrimp. But I'm not bitter or Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1108087601774778262005-02-10T18:00:00.001-08:002005-02-11T05:21:39.976-08:00Mike Wolf died last night, which is desperately terrible, horrible, wrenching news for many, many reasons which I hope you are lucky enough to know. Checking in on the rapidly expanding comments section of his last, fittingly random, post there are a lot of us lucky ones out there, with those of us who knew him in person and others who knew him through mikewolf.net and correspondence. It's Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1106449463097401672005-01-22T19:03:00.000-08:002005-01-22T19:04:23.096-08:00Trapped. Like a rat. A cold and lonely rat. Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105923327045324642005-01-16T16:35:00.000-08:002005-01-16T16:55:27.046-08:00Can I sue the NFL for wasting my whole goddamned day with crap?Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105771495384196332005-01-14T22:43:00.000-08:002005-01-14T22:44:55.383-08:00I have dreamt about work for the past three nights.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105594382060249842005-01-12T21:00:00.000-08:002005-01-12T21:33:02.060-08:00I don't want to disillusion anybody, but I have to admit that, after a few months, writing retail mattress ads for a living sort of loses its thrill.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105495759553892962005-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:002005-01-11T21:32:11.210-08:00Officially joining such legendary brands as Ayds Diet Candy...Toyota drops 'Tsunami' name for sports car model.
Toyota Canada is abandoning plans to name one of its most popular models of sports cars in this country, the "Celica Tsunami."
Exactly one year ago, on Jan. 7, 2004, Toyota announced the name of for the car, calling it "the new wave of bold style." Its press release at the time notedKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105503412247708612005-01-11T16:50:00.000-08:002005-01-11T20:16:52.246-08:00Speaking of Topics I Don't Normally Write About Except that I've Been Reading the Post Lately: Now, This Is a Bad Review!Witness says Robert Blake's cry for help seemed insincere.
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Robert Blake's murder trial resumed Tuesday after a holiday recess with a witness testifying that the actor's cries for help for his bleeding wife seemed insincere.
Mary Beth Rennie, a Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105499851428404672005-01-11T16:45:00.000-08:002005-01-11T19:50:58.853-08:00I know I usually don't write about such frivolities, but am I the only one worried that Ashlee Simpson is gonna make like Susan Alexander Kane and swallow a handful of pills? I mean, tell me if these scenes sound like they might have taken place somewhere in L.A., with her Daddy-Manager standing in the Orson Welles role.SUSAN
You don't propose to have yourself made ridiculous? What about me? Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105501393326410702005-01-11T16:30:00.000-08:002005-01-11T19:43:13.326-08:00Very strange...had dinner the other day with my best friend from grade school, who I haven't seen in...jeez...something like 15 or more years. It was good to see him again (it turns out he works 20 or so blocks south of me; obviously not that unusual an occurrence in Manhattan), but it turns out that one of my stronger memories I have from that period, that of me waiting semi-lost on a corner Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1105329847090731802005-01-09T19:58:00.000-08:002005-01-09T20:04:07.090-08:00We have officially entered the long, cold slog of winter.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104758609070461702005-01-03T05:00:00.000-08:002005-01-03T05:23:29.070-08:00How's about everybody heading on over to hospital-blogging Mike Wolf's and saying hello. Call it a resolution.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104720710684796302005-01-02T17:00:00.000-08:002005-01-02T18:51:50.683-08:00Considering 2004 Billboard Music Award winners Usher (Hot 100 single of the year for "Yeah!") and Outkast (digital track of the year for "Hey Ya"), I predict 2005's most popular songs containing only the letters AEHYY.Yay He!Ye Hay!Ay Hey!A! E! H! Y! Y!Let's all check back here in 12 months and see how I did.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104717348549070542005-01-01T09:00:00.000-08:002005-01-02T17:55:48.550-08:00I dunno, shouldn't everything be...sparklier or something?Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104482094959904872004-12-30T21:00:00.000-08:002004-12-31T00:34:54.960-08:00What I Learned: 2004 in Review.
Now that I think about it, I didn't learn a frigging thing.
See you all in 2005, peoples.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104412052835753452004-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:002004-12-30T05:07:32.836-08:00Only 40 hours left in this wretched year. Wheeee.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104388561473825882004-12-29T21:00:00.000-08:002004-12-29T22:41:58.780-08:002004 in Review Continues: A Top Ten List of Sorts.Modest Mouse: "Good News for People Who Love Bad News" and live at the Hammerstein Ballroom. My favorite band took a giant leap forward, creating the most stunning music I've heard in years, since "OK Computer," probably. I've heard it a few times a week for months and months and still am surprised each time."Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104297219859384832004-12-28T09:00:00.000-08:002004-12-28T21:13:39.860-08:00What I Learned: 2004 in Review.
#3: Do a Wardrobe Inventory Once in a While.
Seriously, I got a job after eight months of unemployment and it's like I forgot I owned any work clothes at all. I was getting something from the back of my closet last night and I found two perfectly good pairs of khakis, and this after I bought another pair last week. I did the same thing with shirts last month, Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104130341934501402004-12-27T21:00:00.000-08:002004-12-28T20:14:01.200-08:00What I Learned: 2004 in Review.
#2: Gambling for a Living is Harder than It Looks or (as Hunter S. Thompson once wrote) Old Whores Don't Giggle.
That period of unemployment lasted a bit longer than I had planned, so to avoid any sort of honest employment I found myself playing poker four or five times a week for a couple of months. On one level it worked, as I focused on my play (my line was Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104128930090074122004-12-26T21:05:00.000-08:002004-12-26T22:28:50.090-08:00What I Learned: 2004 in Review.
Even, or perhaps especially, in a year as brutally awful as 2004, we leave December a little smarter than we began January. In these remaining few days before this year mercifully ends, I'm going to try to figure out the lessons I learned.
#1: The De-Mythologizing of Manhattan.
I was born in Brooklyn, though my parents moved out to central New Jersey when I wasKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104129299299951192004-12-26T21:00:00.000-08:002004-12-26T22:34:59.300-08:00Snow.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104038118123206072004-12-25T19:15:00.000-08:002004-12-25T21:24:35.440-08:00Oh, and speaking of blackjack, should the Borgata dealer who had those three blackjacks in about a minute-and-a-half happen to be reading this, please follow this advice: if you are checking your hole card to see if you have a blackjack, and it turns out that you do, in fact, have a blackjack, flip the goddamned card up immediately! Do not freaking wait three seconds to create a moment of drama Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104036496443795242004-12-25T19:10:00.000-08:002004-12-26T22:33:37.123-08:00I have to admit I'm a bit disappointed that I was able to sit down last night in the Borgata Casino's Living Room Lounge and read this book without a swarm of beefy security guards dragging me out to the marshland and beating me with a sack of oranges and automatic card shufflers. I guess they could just sense that I lack both the manual dexterity and the sack to pull off an effective $1005 Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104034050470814972004-12-25T19:05:00.000-08:002004-12-26T22:52:48.646-08:00Turning on my radio and hearing that WPLJ has (a bit prematurely, I thought) discontinued its all-Christmas-songs-all-the-damn-time format has made me pretty darn grateful that we really only have "Auld Lang Syne" for the rest of the year. Well, I guess U2's "New Year's Day," but that would make for a pretty weird two-song repeat rotation for the next six days.
Update: Okay, there's a few more Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104032113236469602004-12-25T19:00:00.000-08:002004-12-25T19:35:13.236-08:00Lest We Forget. During the hectic holiday season, as we rush from mall to holiday party to post office to relative's house, it can unfortunately be too easy to overlook the simple and elegant fact that long ago today was born a great man, who has brought joy to the lives of countless millions with his words and deeds.
So happy birthday, Rickey Henderson, born 46 years ago today in Chicago.
(Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1104039999522622982004-12-24T09:00:00.000-08:002004-12-25T21:46:39.523-08:00One Year Ago in The Donk, Basically. On an airplane, heading west, looking for love, adventure, and a 10X-odds $3 craps game. In case you missed it the first time around and have six hours to call, might I recommend The Huge Honking Trip Report: Ken and Keith...Westward Ho!, also known as my last paid vacation before being laid off. Life was so much simpler then.
Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103492031401964802004-12-19T01:27:00.000-08:002004-12-19T13:33:51.403-08:00This Donkey's Gone to Heaven.
That was the Pixies concert I always dreamed of seeing.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103251672456156042004-12-16T17:10:00.000-08:002004-12-16T21:01:31.520-08:00Best Comment Heard on the Street in Months. Up around 38th/6th, out for some lunch, waiting to cross the street. As I'm waiting for the light a construction worker starts crossing the street, calling "Take it easy!" to the two other construction workers left behind. "Take it easy?" one says sneeringly to the other, after the first guy is half a block away. "That guy's been taking it easy since Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103247700007819042004-12-16T17:00:00.000-08:002004-12-16T21:48:34.860-08:00Please Send Your Donation to Help Poor Maria!Maria the Model: Maria Sharapova's sponsorship obligations sometimes force her to spend days posing when she'd rather be playing.Photo caption from today's Metro newspaper.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103250639021085512004-12-16T16:55:00.000-08:002004-12-16T18:30:39.020-08:00The Framley Examiner. Two things and two things only do I know about this: 1) It's British. 2) It's funny.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103259246137317572004-12-16T16:40:00.000-08:002004-12-16T20:54:06.136-08:00Only 15 days, four hours, and 20 minutes until this lousy year is over. Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103004396489196482004-12-13T21:05:00.000-08:002004-12-13T22:06:36.490-08:00There was a Santa/Elf combination at the office party tonight, but instead of mingling about and spreading holiday cheer, for at least the first hour they did nothing but sit down on one of the couches, staring out into the crowd. And you know, few things are more depressing than Santa and an elf sitting forlornly in a club during open bar. Just took the whole spirit out of me, that and the fact Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1103003870440787692004-12-13T21:00:00.000-08:002004-12-13T21:57:50.440-08:00You know, thanking God because it's them instead of you is totally a dick move.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1102910045035576522004-12-13T10:00:00.000-08:002004-12-12T19:56:28.973-08:002004 could not end one minute to soon for me.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1102918312604217212004-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:002004-12-12T22:11:52.603-08:00Speaking of poker at The Borgata...a rule of thumb: if you're tipping the cocktail waitresses more often than the dealers, you're probably not having a profitable night.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1102920455368682242004-12-12T19:30:00.000-08:002004-12-12T22:47:35.366-08:00I just realized that I forgot to mention one of the most exciting moments of the last month! On the day after Thanksgiving I was in a store buying a cup of coffee in a shop right next to Santa and his elves, and obviously on this day there was a huge line of kids and parents for me to fight through. I bought my coffee, but then as I was heading back to work my attention was grabbed by a kid who Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1102898208495139372004-12-12T18:00:00.000-08:002004-12-12T19:49:34.816-08:00One Month Later.
Okay, I think I'm back now.
I know this site has been dormant for some time, but I've been spending almost all of my time either in Manhattan working six-day weeks or shuttling back and forth to/from Jersey City (and I'm gonna have to do something about that little geographic inconvenience at some point, methinks). And since I have no online access at work any time I do get Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1102375828806733162004-12-06T15:30:00.000-08:002004-12-06T15:30:28.806-08:00The Illuminated Donkey will be returning to action...any minute now. Keep hitting Refresh until this occurs. Thank you.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1101444605141162902004-11-25T20:55:00.000-08:002004-11-25T20:50:05.140-08:00Thanks.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100749712832417372004-11-17T20:22:00.000-08:002004-11-17T19:48:32.833-08:00No online access at work + getting home after 11 every night = not that much blogging action. So, short summary: life is pretty darn good.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100545174276854342004-11-15T10:57:00.000-08:002004-11-17T19:51:24.766-08:00Three Unrelated Things.Working in New York and spending most of my time here is turning out to be really expensive, though obviously worth it.I found a church with a basement thrift store that offers cheap Internet access, so I am not completely cut off from the world.There is a cigar-store wooden Indian next to me with a $1000 pricetag. It is kinda scary.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100417722062421472004-11-13T23:31:00.000-08:002004-11-13T23:35:22.063-08:00This 2:00 a.m. PATH-training to Journal Square via Hoboken every night is getting mighty old mighty quick. Maybe my company wouldn't have a problem with me just crashing in my cubicle some nights.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100303939570520432004-11-12T15:58:00.000-08:002004-11-12T15:58:59.570-08:00Whoof.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100244392901412092004-11-11T22:52:00.000-08:002004-11-11T23:29:39.370-08:00The Superexcitingness Continues! After months and months of unemployed doldrumosity, it seems like everything is coming together for me lately. The swanky new job, the crimefighting, the womens*, and now the comedy superstardom! I attended tonight's Cage Match at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, which tonight was the second of three rounds of the Improv 3 on 3 Tournament. The event is Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100158117738898152004-11-10T20:00:00.000-08:002004-11-10T23:28:37.740-08:00Nope, it wasn't. I guess I was wrong.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100091740051301392004-11-10T04:00:00.000-08:002004-11-10T05:02:20.053-08:00I think that today is gonna turn out to be the day!Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1100060537183960052004-11-09T19:03:00.000-08:002004-11-09T20:22:17.183-08:00Doing My Part for Jersey City. I just foiled an attempted car (well, minivan) robbery that was taking place a block from my apartment building, on a dead-end street where I have often parked my own car (which was a motivating factor, in its own selfish way, for me calling the police). I was almost home from work and some drinks with P-Frank when I heard the sound of breaking glass. I looked Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099959383330196092004-11-08T21:00:00.000-08:002004-11-08T21:37:32.986-08:00Makeup Week (What?!?!) Continues Here at The Donk! It's time for the latest episode of "Complete the AM New York Newspaper Column Lead!" This installment's column lead comes courtesy of former Playgirl Editor-in-Chief Ronnie Koenig. Let's play!It's happened with every boyfriend I've ever had. About three months into the relationship, when the "I love you's" have already been said and a sort ofKen Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099869166227260272004-11-07T22:00:00.000-08:002004-11-08T21:25:50.263-08:00"Warning: The following six pages may cause intense cravings, hunger pangs -- and even drooling. We've been hunting and gathering all over the world to find the most delicious, food-inspired gourmet beauty gifts. We can't think of anyone who wouldn't want something this delish. Bon appetit!" From the Sephora catalog's "Sweet Treats" section, featuring Spiced Apple Cider Shower Gel, Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099897648244773732004-11-07T21:05:00.000-08:002004-11-07T23:07:28.243-08:00Correction: It has recently come to our attention that everything posted on this site from March 17, 2002 through August 30, 2003 was a complete lie. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099552910739964742004-11-03T21:00:00.000-08:002004-11-03T23:21:50.740-08:00Just when I thought that things couldn't get any better for me, P-Frank passes this little bit of good news along to me. Sounds like a certain somebody might need a little comforting, perhaps from a fully employed man.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099486753395977722004-11-03T05:00:00.000-08:002004-11-03T04:59:13.396-08:00Let's all clear our minds and move on to more important matters.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099399754882695452004-11-02T04:30:00.000-08:002004-11-02T04:52:55.033-08:00There Is Democracy occurring in My Building, Right Now! Just took a quick swing out to my lobby to vote (though not while still wearing my pajamas, which I had briefly considered doing). It's a fairly quiet scene, with only about 20 people around (half seemingly just hanging out), talking politics, with one guy yukking it up, trying to be the center of attention (probably just killing time Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099381317257680692004-11-01T21:05:00.000-08:002004-11-01T23:41:57.256-08:00Zogby Final National Poll of 2,836 Unlikely Voters.
18%: Planning to Register Any Day Now
17%: The Guy on the TeeVee
14%: The Other Guy..You Know...Him
13%: Shit, You Think I Wanna Get Called for Jury Duty?
9%: Yeah, Right, Like I'm Spending My Day Off in a High-School Cafeteria
8%: Not Bothering Until I Can Vote by Phone, Like for American Idol
8%: Curious to See If P. Diddy Will Carry Through Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099380095367005452004-11-01T21:00:00.000-08:002004-11-01T23:59:25.643-08:00Maximum big surprise she knows something new,
I pull my shirt off and pray.
I'm saving myself to suffer the heatwave,
Pull my shirt off and pray.
We're coming up on re-election day.
I couldn't find the lyrics to Lyle Lovett's "Election Day," so instead I'm stuck with Duran Duran. And what's worse, late post-"Seven and the Ragged Tiger" Duran Duran. It's a crappy little song, but just like Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1099374795315695102004-11-01T20:00:00.000-08:002004-11-02T00:27:46.046-08:00Beginning to Look Back Wistfully on the Dole. Now just wait a minute...you mean they expect me to show up for work every single weekday, week after frigging week?!?! So when the hell am I supposed to go to Atlantic City?
[Things are going really well at work so far, by the way.]Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1098331841513431042004-10-20T22:03:00.000-07:002004-10-21T14:40:21.916-07:00Oh my God. I am fully expecting the sky to rain fire and brimstone any second now.
And on that note, I'm taking the rest of the month off.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1098189145485528732004-10-19T05:30:00.000-07:002004-10-19T05:32:25.486-07:00How the hell do you people expect me to post stuff with, like, 14 hours of playoff baseball every night? Seriously.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1097815679220512192004-10-14T21:30:00.000-07:002004-10-14T21:47:59.220-07:00Our Long National Nightmare Is Over.
Earlier today, at approximately 5:15 p.m., a few days short of eight months after being laid off, I was offered, and subsequently accepted, a permanent position of employment with a large, well-known firm located in midtown Manhattan. I am a happy, happy man.
Whew.Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3165005.post-1097624093115506582004-10-12T14:00:00.000-07:002004-10-12T16:36:53.443-07:00What I've Learned From Listening to Eight Hours of Light FM Radio Every Day at Work.The Shared Space on the Venn Diagram of Light FM and Classic Rock (heard when I have to go into the accounting room to send faxes or make copies): Prince's "Purple Rain"; Billy Joel's "Piano Man"; most of Fleetwood Mac's Rumors.Songs that you think you never really hear enough until you have to hear them two or Ken Goldsteinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01038839331506103062noreply@blogger.com0